My Safety Location Text Was Interpreted as A Booty Call

A strange misunderstanding that says a lot about how some men think.

Photo by The Cleveland Museum of Art on Unsplash

I am a free-spirited person. If someone invites me to lunch or dinner, I usually don’t think twice. I go, eat, and talk about everything under the sun. I don’t always judge people quickly. But I must admit, I was naive to trust one of my male coworkers.

Once, my manager — who was younger than me but had an MBA — asked if I wanted to meet. These days many MBA graduates start their careers in managerial positions. Since he was my coworker, I thought it would be a good chance to ask about career growth and steps in the industry.

He had once told me that he started at a role similar to mine in a different company and later got promoted after MBA. So in my mind, the conversation was supposed to be friendly and professional.

But I was wrong. I was so wrong.

How did a simple conversation between colleagues become a sexual advance?

We both lived just one metro station away from each other. So when he called and asked if I wanted to meet for dinner, I chose a restaurant near my home so I could get back quickly afterward.

It was not a date like you might think. We mostly talked about the office, our colleagues, his office crush, his long-distance girlfriend, and other silly colleague-type conversations.

But at the end, as we were leaving, he suddenly asked, “So what’s your story?”

I told him honestly, “I don’t want to be in a relationship, so I don’t date.”

He quickly replied, “No, no… who wants a relationship? It’s all about two people having fun.”

I told him, “Oh, that. I’m not into that, bro.”

He smiled, and we said goodbye. He hopped onto his tuk-tuk — what we call an autorickshaw in India — and I started walking home.

As a woman, one normal safety habit many of us have is sharing our live location when we are heading home, especially after meeting someone.

Almost immediately, he sent a text: “Wow… why are you sending me your location? What are you expecting?” There were several creepy emojis after the message.

I only checked the phone after I reached home. Then I replied, “Bro, that’s a woman thing. I was walking home, so I thought it would be safe to keep you posted.”

He replied with just “K.”

Then I felt a strange wave of realization. Call it my gut feeling. That’s when I understood. He had interpreted my safety location text as a booty call. He probably thought I was playing hard to get, and that as soon as he left uninterested, I sent my live location as some kind of invitation.

But what had I actually done? I had simply shared my location the way many women do when they are heading home at night. When you leave a dinner around 9 pm or later, you share your live location with the person you were with, right? Or is it just me? Is there any woman who doesn’t do that?

I mean, if I’m travelling alone without telling anyone, then I might not keep anyone updated. But when I’m walking back alone after meeting someone, I usually send my location.

Was my location share an invitation?

Then I sat down and analyzed the whole situation. It was not just a meeting with a colleague. It was a man who had been acting nice simply because he wanted casual sex from me. The interesting part is that he is in a long-distance relationship with a woman.

I remember during our conversation he said something like, “See, my girlfriend is good, but she treats me like her first love.” He said she is the type who would think, “If he was here, I would be happier.”

He told me she wouldn’t celebrate anything without him and that there were too many emotions involved. He even said that if he told her he was having dinner with a female colleague, she would get hurt.

So I asked him why he didn’t just break up with her. He replied casually, “I might marry her someday. But right now I want to have fun. She also buys me gifts and things.”

At the time, I just laughed it off. I have no intention of judging anyone’s choices unless it becomes my problem.

He also mentioned that he has a crush in the office, someone he goes to say hi to every day.

So here was a man already in a relationship, having a crush on another woman, talking about her like she was his reason to be in office every day, and now sitting there expecting something casual with a colleague. Seriously?!

Ladies, I paused and started thinking about his girlfriend. She reminded me of our younger selves.

How many of us have ruined a Christmas and New Years because we couldn’t wish our boyfriend a happy holiday? How many times were we hurt when he forgot our birthday? How many hours did we spend trying to find the perfect gift for the man we loved? That pure first love we all once had.

So I wondered, why are we women such givers? Why do we sometimes give so much to the wrong men?

From his conversation, and from the way he mistook my safety location for an invitation, I learned one thing clearly. He was not a good man.

And I know that somewhere in another city, that girlfriend is probably still loving him sincerely, maybe even buying another gift for him, while he is here flirting with women and looking for casual sex.

And someday, her heart will break when she learns the truth.

Why is this an issue?

This is not the first time I’ve noticed something like this. When a man is already thinking about sex while standing next to you, almost everything you do can start looking like an invitation to him.

I remember once I said “hi” to a random guy in my office because I had no one to talk to. I was new and just trying to break the ice. But he immediately came and sat next to me. Soon he started asking my age, when I graduated, and other personal questions.

He was clearly searching for an office love story, while I was simply trying to be polite as a new employee.

So now I wonder, where is this world going? Do men always have intentions like this when they approach you? Do all the men you say no to think you are just playing hard to get?

And if that is the case, how are women supposed to trust a man again? How do you have a normal conversation without wondering what the other person is really expecting?

How do you simply say hello, share a dinner, or send a safety text without it being interpreted as something else entirely?

When will we be treated as a colleague, a friend, or simply a person, instead of just a woman someone thinks he can have sex with?

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