Sometimes

Sometimes things feel like they never will heal. Like for the rest of our life, we’re going to live in this moment where nothing goes our way. When just waking up feels like an impossible step to take. Any task becomes a challenge, a struggle. You can’t live normally and it kills your soul bit by bit. You’re stuck in a bad dream, the kind that goes far but never enough to make you wake up. Just enough to terrorize you. Making you feel powerless in all situations. You’re laying there, unable to start your day, knowing what is going on isn’t what you want. Yet, you can’t help it. Sometimes, life feels a lot like a time loop. Days are the same, people are the same. You live in this routine where bad as become your every day. You don’t know when it will end, or if it’s ever going to end. You ask yourself, is it worth it? Well, let me tell you, recovery is what makes it all worth it. Healing is hard, but not impossible. Going one second after the other is the only thing you can do to make it worth it. If you survived this second why not the next one ? And the next one ? And the one after ? It sure won’t be easy, but is anything really easy or did we just grow strong enough to make them easy? Sometimes, recovery feels like it’s so far away from us, but when we think about it, we’re so much closer from it than we were a year ago, a month ago, a week ago, a day ago, even an hour ago. Recovery is weird, it tricks us, tests us to make sure we’re really ready to go through that path because it won’t get any easier, it’ll only get harder and when you’ve got nothing to hold on but hope for a better life, the world is going to test you. Nothing comes easy and that’s why you’ve got to keep going. Prove everyone wrong, prove yourself wrong. The bad times will always be with you and you can’t ever get it away from your mind, and that’s why recovery is hard. No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be able to escape that time of your life. Recovery is more than getting out of this phase, it’s learning to live with the shadow of who you once were. Sometimes, life feels a lot like rocks being thrown on your back repeatedly until you can’t stand up anymore. Yet, I hope you know that if you keep on standing up, one day you’ll be able to lift that weight and walk away from this rockfall. Until then, just try to go on with one thing at the time. That’s how you make a big task seem small. See the steps, not the mountain.

“Sometimes, things seem like they never will heal, but I hope you know it’s not because they seem that they are”

Nelly