the space between what happened and what i imagined

catastrophising is strange because it doesn't feel dramatic when you're doing it. it feels logical.

it starts with one difficult conversation. maybe the replies feel shorter than usual. maybe their voice sounds different. maybe they need space for a few hours. suddenly, your mind begins connecting dots that don't even exist.

they're quiet.

did i do something wrong?

they seem distant.

are they getting tired of me?

we argued.

is this how relationships end?

what amazes me is how quickly my brain can turn one uncomfortable moment into a complete storyline. within minutes, i've already imagined the worst possible ending. i've convinced myself that the relationship is changing, that feelings are fading, that everything we've built together is somehow falling apart.

all because of one conversation.

the hardest part is that catastrophising disguises itself as preparation. i tell myself i'm just being realistic. i'm trying to protect myself from disappointment. if i expect the worst, maybe it won't hurt as much if it actually happens.

but the truth is, i end up hurting twice.

first, from the conversation itself.

then, from all the painful scenarios i've created in my head.

i forget that difficult conversations are a normal part of being close to someone. i forget that love isn't measured by how easy things are when everything feels perfect. sometimes people are tired. sometimes they need time to process their emotions. sometimes misunderstandings happen.

none of those things automatically mean the relationship is failing.

not every argument is a sign that someone is leaving.

not every moment of distance means love is disappearing.

not every change in tone means feelings have changed.

i'm learning that just because a thought feels urgent doesn't mean it's true. feelings can be loud, but they aren't always accurate.

instead of asking myself, "what if this is the beginning of the end?", maybe i should ask, "what evidence do i actually have?"

most of the time, the answer is simple: none.

just fear.

fear of losing someone i love.

fear of being too much.

fear of not being enough.

and maybe that's what catastrophising really is. it's not about expecting bad things to happen. it's about caring so deeply that the possibility of losing someone feels unbearable.

but love deserves more trust than fear.

one difficult conversation cannot erase months or years of care, effort and shared memories. a bad day doesn’t cancel out a good relationship.

sometimes the healthiest thing i can do is pause, step away from the story my mind is creating, and remember this:

we are allowed to have hard conversations without assuming we're falling apart.