Whacked Out

“Tonight’s Dose: Pure Entertainment”

Author’s Note: Whacked Out isn’t meant to be taken seriously. If it ever starts making sense, please seek help.

Johnny Lumpkin was a man of many talents, but tragically few of them deserved to be spoken aloud. He was crass, arrogant, and had learned the clarinet at school. Somehow, Johnny had become the host of a new “ill‑conceived” game show called Whacked Out.

Whacked Out was a new programme that aired on CBC in early May 1986. It was a game show where terminally ill patients were allowed to shoot members of the everyday public full of their medications just to see the reaction. People who wanted to play on the show would receive $5000, as long as they signed a waiver regarding their general health. The greed of some people — they’d mud wrestle their own grandmother for 5K. Of course, one in every five patients were shot full of saline water and horse excrement. The ensuing fever would rage through their system like a bushfire, and whether they made it through the night depended entirely on how quickly they sought help — usually a Whacked‑Out TV stagehand shoving them into a taxi.

“More fun and games to come… the fun is optional; the games are not.”