10 Brutally Hilarious Pilot Jokes To Brighten Up Your Day

A pilot’s life is full of laughs, here’s the proof

Disclaimer: Absolutely no pilots were harmed in the making of this collection, but in the reading of it… You have been warned!

One day at Area 51, a radar tech spots a single-engine plane on final approach to the secret Air Force base. The plane touches down and is immediately surrounded by armed guards. The plane is impounded, and the pilot is whisked off for questioning.

The pilot claims that he had been flying from Las Vegas, gotten lost, and nearly run out of fuel, so he put his plane down at the first runway he saw. After extensive background checks, it is proven that the pilot isn’t a spy, and he is set to be released the following morning.

Before he is allowed to leave, he is given the “You saw nothing” talk and is told that under absolutely no circumstances is he allowed to tell anyone where he was or what he saw.

With the message clear, the Air Force fuel up his plane, give him a proper heading to get back to Las Vegas, and send him on his way.

Later that day, the man’s plane is again spotted getting ready to land at Area 51. This time, there is a woman on the board with the man. When the plane touches down, it is immediately surrounded by guards again. As soon as it comes to a stop, the man hops out and yells: “Do whatever you want to me, but somebody has to tell my wife where I was last night!”

A cool true fact: Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day. Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life!

An Indian pilot is taking a free flight to get home. He finds himself sitting between two Pakistani flight attendants who are also taking a free flight to get home. Relaxing, he takes his shoes off, but soon enough, he gets hungry.

“Hey,” he says to the Pakistani flight attendants, “I’m going to get myself a snack. You guys want anything?”

The Pakistani flight attendant to his right says he would like a Coke.

“Of course,” says the Indian pilot. “After all, Indians and Pakistanis are Brothers!”

And so the Indian pilot heads off to get himself some food and the can of Coke. As he does this, the man who asked for the Coke spits into one of his shoes.

The other Pakistani flight attendant sees this, and so when the Indian pilot comes back, asks for a can of Coke in the name of Pakistani Indian relations. The Indian pilot happily obliges, but while he is gone, the man spits into his other shoe.

Soon enough, the Indian pilot returns with the Coke and hands it over. After everyone has settled down, and the Pakistanis have had half their Cokes, the Indian pilot slides his feet into his shoes and sighs. “How long will we keep doing this, brothers?” he says. “Spitting in each other’s shoes, pissing in each other’s Cokes?”

10 engineering professors board a plane. Once they are inside and the plane is about to take off, the air hostess comes out and tells everyone that the plane was made by students of the professors. Immediately, 9 of the professors get up and exit the plane, while the one remaining stays sitting, calmly reading a book.

One of the students who is on the plane to see how well it works approaches the remaining professor and thanks him for trusting them, and insists that, as he is the pilot, all will go especially well.

The Professor smiles. “It is not about trust, my boy. If my students truly made this plane, I’m 100% confident it won’t even take off!”

A pilot says to the engineer working on his plane, “My grandfather shot down four German planes during World War II. His greatness is what inspired me to take up flying.”

“That’s nothing,” says the engineer. “My grandad destroyed 12 German planes during WW2.”

“Wow, really?” says the pilot. “But I thought you were German?”

“Oh, I am,” says the engineer. “My grandad was, without a doubt, the worst mechanic in the history of the Luftwaffe!”

What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? The pilot you frickin’ racist!

A female pilot is returning home to the US by plane from Switzerland; it’s a free ride for her. She is seated next to a priest which she feels is a blessing, “Excuse me, Father,” she says. “May I ask a favour?”

“Of course, my child,” says the priest. “What can I do for you?”

The female pilot explains, “Here’s my problem: I bought myself a new epilator and paid quite a lot of money for it. I think I’ve exceeded the limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it at customs. I’m a pilot, you see, so they didn’t check before I got on the plane. It’s a silly, embarrassing mistake, and as a female pilot, it could make me look bad, you know what it’s like. Could you possibly hide it under your robe while going through customs?”

The priest smiles, “I can certainly do that, my child, but you know I cannot lie?”

The female pilot nods, “You have such an honest and innocent face, Father. I’m sure they won’t even question you.”

“Time will tell, my child.” And so the priest takes the expensive epilator in hand and hides it beneath his robes.

After the plane has landed, the priest approaches customs, and an officer says, “Father, do you have any items to declare?”

The priest says, “I have nothing to declare from my head to my belt, my child.”

Finding this answer odd, the officer says, “Well, what about the area below your belt?”

The priest smiles, “Why, there’s a wonderful little device designed for the use of women. However, it has never been used!”

The customs officer, bursting into laughter, says, “Alright, Father, you can go. Next!”

The pilot exits the cockpit and shouts, “HIJACK!”

All passengers got scared.

From the other end of the plane, a guy shouts back, “HI JOHN!”

What happened to the pilot who was caught masturbating on a plane? He was charged with high jacking!

On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee, whereupon the parrot squawks, “And get me a Coke, you cow!” The stewardess, flustered, brings back a Coke for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls, “And get me another Coke, dogface!”

Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another Coke, but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the parrot’s approach. “I’ve asked you twice for a coffee! Go and get it now, you old goat!”

The next moment, the pilot comes charging out of the cockpit, and both the man and the parrot are wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit.

Plunging downwards the ground below, the parrot turns to the man and says, “For someone who can’t fly, you’ve got guts!”

That’s all from me, thanks for reading! Remember to check out my music here, and my novelette here. If you enjoyed this, you may also enjoy the following:

[embed]7 Hilarious Flying Jokes To Brighten Up Your Day These jokes will make you take off with laughtermedium.com

To learn more about me see this link, to follow me on YouTube see this link, TikTok see this link, to support me click the link below: