MBTI MISTYPE: INFJ OR ISFJ

Many people, when taking an online MBTI test, find themselves typed as INFJs. The tests, however, are often slanted towards “intuition” rather than “sensing”, and many ISFJs are subsequently mistyped. When they read the descriptions of the two types — the “rare” and almost supernatural INFJ versus the down-to-earth, self-sacrificing ISFJ—confusion sets in. INFJs aren’t rainbow colored unicorns and ISFJs are anything but boring. In this article, I try to paint a realistic, in-depth picture of both types. While they may seem similar on the surface, they see the world through very different lenses.

There is a major, definitive difference that screams Ni, but lets start with the eyes, the windows to the soul.

ISFJs often have large, round eyes. They use their eyes a lot in their expressions, often opening them wide in a slightly comical display of humor. They have what I call their “Mr. Bean face”, a self-deprecating, toothy grin, which reveals their (often hidden) love of being in the spotlight. They, like INFJs, generally have broad, easy smiles (Fe) and laugh readily. They come across as a little highly strung with a slight prickliness. The more intelligent ones may appear nerdy. Their energy is light and bright.

The eyes of an INFJ can by unnervingly penetrating. The INFJ is trying to see beyond the surface, something they do in most areas of life. Their face can be very animated when talking, but their eyes are relatively still. These eyes can be hypnotizing to the opposite sex. Their body language is almost languid and, sometimes, unintentionally sensual. They often have a sweet and innocent air about them and their energy has an earthy, almost melancholy feel to it. They aren’t nearly as physically energetic as ISFJs.

INFJs are often insatiably curious about human nature. They are often highly intuitive and “read” people without trying. They’re drawn to unusual people, looking for depth and complexity. People are like books that they want to devour and they prefer a 500-page volume over a formulaic paperback. This curiosity, along with their compassion and natural empathy, often leads them into the counselling professions. Like many ISFJs, they often identify as “high sensitive” people.

ISFJs are drawn to serve people in more practical ways, often becoming doctors, nurses, carers, and firemen. They are prone to burn-out from giving too much, and not prioritizing themselves. They, like INFJs usually care deeply for animals. Many become vet technicians and rescuers.

ISFJs are better verbal communicators. They’re good at small talk and the more intelligent ones thrive on deep, intelligent conversation. They express themselves clearly and concisely, unlike the more rambling INFJ style. They’re often more humble than INFJs and people are sometimes surprised to discover how intelligent they actually are. They can be very entertaining, very witty, and many are good at mimicking others, usually with good humor and kindness. A lot of INFJs have to learn how to catch jokes.

INFJs have trouble being concise in general but, when trying to express an idea, their voices might becomes soft, disembodied almost, and their eyes unfocused. They’ll struggle to find the right words and will go off on many tangents before getting to the point. It’s very frustrating for other types and comes across as slow and dimwitted. The opposite is true. What others don’t see is their Ni triggering. One idea triggers a multitude of connections, which trigger more connections. I call it “star-bursting”. They’re simultaneously trying to talk while sorting and collating a large amount of data. Their brain is lighting up like the sky on the 4th of July.

ISFJs are far more comfortable in groups than INFJs, even the really shy ones. Although they can go into hermit mode, they love a good party and are usually very well liked. They can be far more private that INFJs, only revealing their deeper selves to a few close friends. They don’t have the same need to be understood and therefore don’t overshare as many INFJs have a tendency to do. They also don’t like to burden others with their issues.

INFJs often struggle with groups and socializing in general. They often miss social cues. While this sometimes has a neurological cause, they really don’t care about what is fleeting or superficial. If you listen to them talk, you’ll notice that they’re constantly try to bridge what’s happening in the moment with a more comprehensive, universal framework in their head. This doesn’t make for great, lighthearted conversation.

While INFJs have a strong desire to belong and to be understood, their need to be truthful, especially true for those on the Autism spectrum, makes fitting in difficult. They have a strong drive towards harmony but, when called to choose between getting along (Fe) and truth (Ni), the ensuing internal conflict is exhausting. If this dissonance becomes too great, they’re in danger of “telling it like it is” and, because they’re usually gentle and agreeable, their words cut deeper than most. They soon learn to withdraw instead to regain their inner peace but this only increases their sense of isolation. Some INFJs get around these problems by creating their own groups, where they can set the tone. A small number of INFJs have been known to have Messiah Complexes, and they will gather a group of disciples around themselves. INFJs aren’t usually cult leaders though; that dubious title is more often associated with ENTPs (weak Ni).

Not surprisingly, INFJs often suffer from a deep sense of loneliness and may feel chronically misunderstood. They turn this inwards, often believing that they are flawed. A lot of their “friends” are needy people using their energy and getting the INFJ to solve problems for them. They are racehorses willingly turning themselves into beasts of burden for undeserving people. Their painful aloneness often causes them to make poor decisions about who they let into their lives and makes them prone to relationships with toxic people, and codependency. When an INFJ realizes that living in the pure, still vibration of truth is more important than fitting in, and they focus on a few close friends with good characters and pure hearts, they live rich and happy lives.

ISFJs often belong to a variety of social groups. With INFJs, their truest friends aren’t in their lives every day. They’re the friend that their friends go to to escape the confines of the social group they belong to and their friendships often span countries, cultures and ages. You’ll find a pattern of diversity that you won’t find with an ISFJ.

Many ISFJs see things from a loftier perspective than the average person and aren’t easily drawn into the petty battles that plague most groups. They find it easier to sacrifice harmony and are often willing to go against the group to be true to themselves. They do this, however, from inside the group usually, and consequently they’re often change agents for good. ISFJs may be more conformist than their INFJ counterparts, but only to a degree.

Both types have explosive tempers. ISFJs seem to get angry more easily. They turn bright red and their motions become jerky. They go into “adult” mode, scolding the other like a naughty child. INFJs often laugh nervously before their temper erupts. They struggle to find words and their voice may rise until they sound like Minnie Mouse. They are more likely to become self-righteous zealots or sulky, wounded children. Others are often surprised at the intensity of the anger in both types.

ISFJs are far easier to offend than an INFJ. INFJs are more likely to be emotionally hurt. INFJs usually try to figure out the attacker’s motivation before responding. If they sense insecurity or emotional pain in the attacker, they’ll often not retaliate. To preserve harmony, they often allow people to violate their boundaries. This makes them easy targets for antisocial people. When they do retaliate their words are like double-edged swords piercing into the most vulnerable aspect of their opponent— which they intuitively know. They can discard people with the same ruthlessness that narcissists display but always with more justification and with far more finality.

ISFJs can be very rigid about their principles and are much more likely to get angry and confrontational when met with opposition. They can be very “black and white” in their thinking. INFJs on the other hand, have a more “live and let live” attitude and can see a thousand shades of grey. An INFJ is the most likely type (barring an EN type) to stand up to a bully, especially to protect another. An ISFJ may not risk being rejected by the group that the bully controls. When an INFJ does stand up for a principle, they are usually more intransigent and determined than angry. They also know that they will die before they back down so they choose their battles wisely.

While both types are often highly principled, ISFJs have a degree of integrity that no other type can match, except, maybe for ENFJs. Both types care about social justice and the environment. They both deplore the ill treatment of animals. ISFJs are far more likely to take practical steps like becoming vegetarians and limiting their consumption of the earth’s limited resources. INFJs are more likely to make a difference by helping people emotionally and spiritually, while simultaneously despising the human race (true more of young INFJs). INFJs will try to restrict their carbon footprint while driving a new BMW.

ISFJs can’t easily empathize with people who have different principles and they can be very intolerant of people they consider ‘intolerant’. An INFJ is capable of having empathy for a serial killer. It makes INFJs far more fluid and less rigid but also more wishy washy. If not careful, the compassion that both types share, can lead them into defending true predators, while having no compassion for the predator’s victims. They are suspectable to narcissists, especially covert narcissists, who appear vulnerable.

Both types can be have high IQs. Many INFJs seem to have a high degree of connectivity between the different brain hemispheres, which was true of Einstein’s (INTP) mind too. They are good at a many different things. ISFJs are often multi-talented too but the range of their abilities isn’t as broad or as contradictory. INFJs think best when they don’t think too hard, when they use their Ni more than Ti, in other words. They can come across as geniuses even when their IQ isn’t in the genius range. They can also come across as idiots especially to sensing types. ISFJs can be very smart but there is a wider spectrum of intelligence across the type. They are more methodical and structured in their thinking and have excellent memories.

One very easy way to tell the difference is to look at their homes. INFJs are drawn to beautiful, original items (Se). They have eclectic tastes and will blend together many styles. They often have very refined taste. Being very sensitive to all types of physical stimuli, they’ll take care with the lighting, colors, sounds and smells in their home. Then, they’ll let the dog with it’s muddy paws onto the sofa. ISFJs on the other hand often has a mishmash of styles that just don’t go together. Si is more about conserving and ISFJs are often good at re-purposing items where INFJs will go out and buy what they want. ISFJs may be either tidy or messy but they seem more interested in convenience and practicality than how their home looks. They aren’t nearly as interested in impressing others as INFJs are and, if their home is untidy or sub par, they don’t suffer the embarrassment that INFJs feel due to weak Se.

While both types share sensitive nervous systems and big hearts, the underpinning difference is that of intuition versus sensing. The high reliance of Ni gives even the most practical INFJ an other-worldly feel sometimes. More significantly, the poor Se is hard for anyone close to an INFJ to miss. In crowded spaces like malls, in groups of three or more people, and in supermarkets, this “weakness” is on full display. The INFJ’s physical senses become overwhelmed and quickly shut down. The INFJ becomes “spaced out” and disconnected from the environment. While this can happen with all types, it happens routinely and easily with INFJs. Most other types find this frustrating and tend to judge it negatively. This is perhaps the most telling sign that someone is an INFJ rather than an ISFJ.