If I could tell my younger self 20 things

Last July, I had my 20th birthday.

The word “Celebration” would be an overstatement when describing the occurrence of my 20th year on earth, considering that it was just one of my usual birthday happenings. A bit quiet, overwhelmingly gloomy.

However, it would be self-sabotaging if I refuse to take this year with an open mind and a kinder heart. This year’s July may not have turned out to be what I planned out for myself, but still, I deserve to be celebrated even if it is already late, right? So, let’s do it right now!

As the first step in celebrating my two decades of existence, I would like to compile a list of the 20 most important lessons I’ve learned in my life. That way, I won’t forget how far I’ve come and how much I’ve learned once I turn 21.

Let’s start strong, and let me tell you the importance of:

1. Learn(ing) how to survive on your own

Moments when you feel lonely will inevitably come. At that time, it is essential to stand on your own two feet. It will be difficult; complicated situations will come and strike you twice as hard, but ultimately, you need to survive.

I can’t recommend a specific action to take to lessen loneliness, as everyone has their own way of coping. However, sitting and appreciating silence is definitely an effective technique to consider. Go out and see the world alone! Don’t wait to become anyone’s convenient companion. You only need yourself.

2. Take care of yourself, especially your health

When you’re sick, you’re not only inconveniencing yourself but also those around you. I know this because I tend to get sick easily and, on top of that, I constantly find myself in accidents. When I’m sick, everyone around me is worried. And it’s not a good feeling to be the person everyone is concerned about.

So, take your vitamins, get enough sleep, eat nutritious meals, exercise regularly, and prioritize your mental health. It’s not just for you, but also for those who matter to you.

3. Prioritize sleep

With all the problems in the world, some people just forget to take a rest. They would rather find the solution first before they reward themselves with more than just a short nap. Still, it’s crucial to remember that sleep isn’t, and never will be, a form of celebration. It’s essential to survival.

So, no matter what problem you’re faced with, you shouldn’t forget to get a good night’s sleep because you deserve it. That way, when tomorrow finally arrives to bombard you with a new set of challenges, you’re rested enough to face it all.

4. Take care of your skin

Growing up, I experienced severe acne breakouts. The one that not only ruins the face, but also spreads to your back. It has become my greatest insecurity, doing damage to my self-esteem. I tried various skincare products, but none of them helped. They either worsen the flare-ups or, worse, burn the skin.

Fortunately, my family noticed how it affected me and did their best to help me solve the problem. I was 17 when they took me to a dermatologist. Three years later, I am still consulting the same doctor for my skin care needs. I know that acne is primarily genetic and has little to do with hygiene, but if you have the means to invest in your physical appearance, do so. Invest in your skin. I am grateful to my family for always taking care of my well-being. If it weren’t for their support, I would’ve still been suffering from skin damage.

5. Drink that alcohol, but drink responsibly

It’s okay to enjoy your youth occasionally. Alcohol doesn’t equate to recklessness, as long as you’re responsibly consuming it. If you’re invited to a party, join them! It’s an effective way to build connections. If you’re feeling sad and want a temporary solution to your problems, drink! If you seek enjoyment, dance with a stranger! It becomes dangerous only if you don’t put limitations on how much you consume. So just be careful and have fun!

6. Find a hobby. In fact, go ahead and collect those useless medals and certificates

I talk about this one a lot. YOU NEED A CREATIVE OUTLET! It doesn’t have to be perfect; you don’t need to win any competitions. What you need is something to fuel your spirit and something to look forward to. An escape from the difficulties you are facing in life.

It doesn’t have to be expensive, as well. I started my running journey with barely any equipment, and after a year of doing this endeavor, I still don’t have a belt bag. That’s an additional expense I don’t need to purchase. Trust me, those medals from the organized charity run you joined, and those certificates from the seminars you attended, will be something you’ll be proud of.

7. It’s okay to feel cringe

You will not benefit from avoiding embarrassing situations. You need to put yourself out there for people to notice you, and for you to finally do something that actually matters. Audition for that role; post that emotional prose about your toxic relationship on your blog; submit your portfolio anywhere you want — accept rejection.

Honestly, I am still trying to master the art of accepting rejection with all my heart. It’s not easy… to feel unqualified. But we all gotta start somewhere. And rejection is always part of the starting point, no matter what field you’ve chosen to explore. One day, with constant practice and continuous improvement, you will look back and realize why they rejected you before. You’ll feel embarrassed, even cringe, but that only shows progress.

8. You will always need your family

It took me a while to realize that I needed them to understand me, but fortunately, I did. Family is the one who will stay forever, so it is essential to cherish them. I can’t tell everyone to be grateful for the families they have because not everyone is fortunate enough to be raised in a loving home. But “Family” does not equate to being blood-related. Found families also exist.

Do not be scared to engage in uncomfortable conversations with them. Tell your Mom the story of your first heartbreak, and seek your Dad’s advice. Let your siblings be your friends. Open up! I’m well aware that before this, I gave advice about managing to survive on your own. But just because you’re capable of living alone doesn’t mean you should.

9. It’s okay to cry

Growing up, I was scared to be perceived as weak, so I would do my best to avoid being seen weeping. I suppressed every emotion and hid my vulnerability from the observing eyes of other people, but instead of being beneficial, it only locked me into the darkest corners of my mind. Until, of course, I released everything by crying.

It’s good to cry from time to time. You’re not a loser for showing emotions. Actually, it takes courage to let people witness you in your fragile state and to let someone in. You’re just a person who feels things. So, let every emotion pass through your soul like a waterfall during the rainy season. Eventually, it will fade. You will carry the memories forever, but the remnants of the past stored in your mind will only make you stronger, not trapped.

10. Stop with the regrets, forget all the ‘what ifs.’

No matter what happened or what you did in the past, it’s done. You cannot change history, even if there are things you wish to alter. Living with regrets is equivalent to living an unhappy life. You must learn that once the time comes to finally let go, do so with an open heart.

I’m not suggesting that you should suppress your emotions. That’s not a healthy way to cope, after all. But always remember that you don’t need to punish yourself by letting your mind be plagued with ‘what ifs’. Don’t waste your moments dwelling on the would’ve, could’ve, should’ve. Either you will reap your karma soon, or someone will pay the price for what they did to you. But ultimately, it’s out of your hands.

11. You will get lost and make mistakes… and that’s okay

Sometimes, your younger self will make wrong decisions with harsh consequences that the future you will be forced to face. But what’s important is knowing how to face those without blaming the past. You were a kid who didn’t know any better, and that’s alright because it’s part of growing up.

It may be challenging, but you must start learning to forgive your younger self for making decisions and holding opinions that no longer align with your current principles. After all, everything happens for a reason. Just because things are confusing and scary today doesn’t mean it will be like that forever. You’ll figure it out… eventually… once you’re older and wiser.

12. You’re still learning. Start over if need be

If I had the chance to give my younger self only one piece of advice from my list, it would be this. I wish I had the guts to start over. Sometimes, I still wonder what life would’ve been like for me if I had only followed my dreams. If fear didn’t consume me, if only I were brave enough to walk away from things that weren’t meant to be mine. Anyway, enough with the ‘what ifs!

I can always start over, and someday I will. For now, I just want to enjoy this temporary life I’m living, while I figure out what I want to be permanently. And when I finally know who I am, that’s when I will begin my journey anew.

13. It’s okay to feel hurt when people hurt you. That pain isn’t your fault

No matter how you react when someone hurts you, your response doesn’t make their behavior acceptable. People tend to think that just because you speak back, it’s enough to lessen the guilt they feel for the betrayal they caused you. But it’s not. Let yourself be angry if you need to. If confrontation is a necessary process for you to deal with the shock, then so be it. Let the words flow out of your mouth. Let them know the details… and then move on.

14. Forgive them in silence (It’s not about letting them off the hook, but setting yourself free)

There will be times when you ask yourself whether you truly deserved the pain other people caused you. And based on what I’ve learned from life so far, it is hard to find an answer for that. Most times, the pain of betrayal won’t go away, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t forgive.

Forgive them. Not to help them move on, but to help yourself lessen the burden of carrying the heavy loads of pain. Be the bigger person. When you forgive, you’re also letting go of the anger that pushes you down. You don’t need to tell them that they’re forgiven by you because they have no right to know. They don’t deserve closure, but you do. So forgive in silence and then let go.

15. You don’t need to explain why you’re unavailable

Sometimes, people think that they need to have access to you. But that’s not true. Your worth isn’t dependent on how useful you were to other people. You need to learn to choose yourself and let go of situations that no longer bring you happiness. You don’t need to explain why you’re unavailable; you don’t need to detail why you disappeared. Those who cherish you will understand that you’re only a human being who needs space from time to time.

16. Learn how to own up to your mistakes

Apologize. I wish more people would take accountability for their wrongs, but you can’t control how anyone acts. You can only control your own reaction. So, be humble and say sorry. You never know the damage you inflict on people, or how deep the scar you leave, so it’s essential to learn how to be considerate.

17. Learn all sorts of “Literacy”

What I mean by this is you should learn about Financial Literacy and Media and Information Literacy (MIL). Two utterly boring things, but they are essential if you want to avoid being victimized by scams and frauds. While you’re at it, start learning about first aid too (this is something I plan on doing). And hey, literacies do not end with the few I suggested above. There are other forms of literacy that you can learn in your spare time. Just look for what resonates with you and your lifestyle, and master it.

18. You’re choosing a lifetime partner; choose wisely

Self-explanatory, so I will not be elaborating. Thank you.

p.s. I need to remind myself of this frequently as well. A huge struggle, really.

19. Continue to love

One way or another, you will get hurt. But when you start to feel shattered and betrayed, you must still remember to love. Just love even if it hurts because there are people out there who need the kind of love you have to offer; you just haven’t met them yet. And if you stopped loving, you may not meet them at all. So as long as you’re alive, just love, and love, and love.

20. Be happy, it’s your birthday!

No matter how much bad luck there was on your day, it’s still your birthday! So stop with the blues and begin to celebrate the achievements you had in the past year, no matter how significant or insignificant they may seem to be. One last time this year, Happy birthday to you, reader. Enjoy your day and all the bad luck that comes with it.

And… I’m done. THE END.

Those are the 20 pieces of advice I’ve gathered over my 20 years of life. I might make another one on my 30th birthday, and another one again on my 40th, but for now, this is all I have. Not going to lie, this is starting to become torturously cringé, bye!

P.S. This entry took me a whole month to complete, and I debated for weeks whether to post it. I haven’t figured out my life yet, so who am I to share such advice when I, myself, need to receive some from my elders? But then again, I just stated that it is important to occasionally put yourself in cringe situations to make progress. A few months from now, I know that I will look back at this post and think to myself, “Thank God, I posted that audacious sh*t. Let’s revise!” Because, heck yes! I will revise this for sure.

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