“Put Your Phone Down and Do Something Useful”

The Comments I Get Every Time I Post on Social Media

It was a Tuesday night. I remember because I had just finished a long shift and I was exhausted. I sat on my bed, propped my phone against a pillow, and filmed a quick video. I talked about my day. I complained a little about traffic. I laughed at something stupid that happened at work. I posted it and forgot about it. The next morning I opened my phone half asleep and saw a comment right at the top: “Women need to stop chasing likes and start taking care of their responsibilities.” I put my phone face down on the bed and just laid there for a minute. Not upset. Not even surprised. Just tired. Because this is not new. This has never been new. And I have been quiet about it for too long.

I Watch the Men Around Me Every Single Day

My brother has his phone in his hand from the moment he opens his eyes. He watches YouTube videos at breakfast. He argues about football scores on WhatsApp during dinner. He falls asleep with his phone on his chest most nights. My dad does the same thing with Facebook. My male coworkers spend half their lunch break on Instagram. My male friends have entire group chats that run twenty four hours a day. Not one person in my life has ever pulled any of them aside and said — hey, put the phone down, you have responsibilities. Not once. But I post one video about my Tuesday and suddenly I am irresponsible. Suddenly I am chasing attention. Suddenly someone who has never met me and never will feels confident enough to tell me what I should be doing with my time. I have watched this happen so many times and in so many different ways. A guy I know posted shirtless photos every week last summer. People hyped him up in every comment. A girl I know posted one photo in a nice dress and spent three days dealing with comments about her character. Same app. Same feature. Completely different treatment. The content was never the issue. It was never about what was being posted. It was always about who was doing the posting.

Let Me Tell You What I Actually See Women Doing Online

Because nobody ever talks about this part. I know a woman who lost her job during a really hard time in her life. She started posting tutorials on TikTok just to keep herself busy. Two years later she has a real income, a loyal audience, and a small business she built entirely from her bedroom floor.

I know another woman who was going through something painful and private. She posted about it once, honestly and vulnerably. Within hours other women were sharing their own versions of the same story in her comments. She told me later that those strangers made her feel less alone than most people in her real life ever had.

I found my two closest friends through Instagram. We have never lived in the same city. We have met in person exactly once. But they know me better than people I have known for years.

This is what women are doing online. This is the reality that gets completely ignored every time someone decides to make a joke about girls being addicted to their phones. We are not just scrolling. We are building things. Real things. Things that matter to us and to the people we reach. But it is easier to make fun of us than to actually pay attention.

The “Social Media Is Bad For Women” Argument Has a Massive Hole In It

I have read so many articles about how social media is ruining young women. How it is making us insecure and distracted and obsessed with our appearance. And I am not going to pretend none of that is real. Some of it is. I have had my own complicated moments with how social media makes me feel about myself and I think those conversations are worth having. But every single time I read one of these articles I notice the same thing. They are always about women. Always girls. Always young women. Always mothers who post too much or teenagers who care too much about likes. When is the last time you read a serious think piece about how social media is destroying young men? When did anyone last write about how boys are losing themselves to their feeds? I will tell you why that article does not get written as often. Because the thing that actually bothers people is not screen time. Screen time is just the excuse. What actually bothers people is that when women get a platform they use it. They start talking about things that were supposed to stay private. They find each other. They compare notes. They realize that the thing they were told was their personal failing is actually something that happens to women everywhere, all the time, by design. And once women start seeing that clearly, they stop being easy to manage. So yes. It is more convenient to say social media is the problem. Send the women offline. Keep things quieter. Keep things the way they were. We are onto it. We have been for a while.

I Am Not Going to Pretend I Do Not Want to Be Seen

Honestly? Sometimes I want my posts to do well. Sometimes I check my phone after posting because I want to see if something landed. Sometimes I feel genuinely happy when a video connects with people. I am not ashamed of that. Every single person who has ever posted anything online wants some version of the same thing. You want someone to read it, watch it, respond to it. You want to know it reached someone. That is not vanity. That is just being human. The only difference is that when a man wants that, nobody questions his motives. When a woman wants it, people act like she has some kind of problem. I have spent years internalizing that message without even realizing it. Feeling like I needed to apologize for posting. Feeling like I should explain myself. Feeling like wanting to be heard was somehow embarrassing. I am done with that.

Here Is What I Want to Say to That Comment

I thought about replying. I thought about explaining myself, making my case, being reasonable. Instead I just kept posting. Because that is my answer. Not an argument. Not a debate. Just me, continuing to show up, continuing to use my own voice, in my own space, on my own terms. If someone finds that threatening or irresponsible or attention seeking — that is genuinely not my problem to solve. I am not a guest here. I am not borrowing space from anyone. I belong online just as much as anyone else does, and every woman reading this does too. Post the video. Share the opinion. Build the thing. Connect with the people. Nobody is going to give you permission. So stop waiting for it.