The Journey of Becoming

The Journey of Becoming

Photo by Daniëlle Eibrink Jansen on Unsplash

I’ve been through a lot of hurt.

But I’ve also been through a lot of love.

And when I look back, I can honestly say there were more good moments than bad ones.

The bad moments were just that: moments. But the trauma? That’s what shaped me.

The Beginning of My Awakening

When I was 16, locked up in LCJC (shout out to Rico), I had sat the longest after catching a charge.

I had blacked out on a 28-year-old woman and she didn’t deserve it. That was the first time I truly lost control.

It was also the first time I started telling the truth about what made me so angry.

And when I finally told the one who mattered most, she didn’t validate me.

That moment changed me.

From then on, I needed validation constantly.

I became narcissistic not because I loved myself too much, but because I didn’t feel seen enough.

The Need to Validate Her

Now, I want to validate her.

Maybe she doesn’t need it, but I need to give it.

Because now, I have a daughter.

And she’s blessed to have a mother who listens.

One day, she delivered some news to me ,just like I once delivered news to you.

And it was hard to believe.

Because, just like you, I couldn’t see him doing something like that.

But the difference between us is this:

I validated her. I covered her. I protected her.

Still, in that moment, I felt you.

That shimmer of doubt. That little flicker of disbelief.

And because of that, I chose differently.

The Tables Turn

When my daughter turned sixteen , just like me, she unloaded her truth.

And like you, I did my best to protect her.

I remember one of our last conversations. You told me,

“I’m sorry I didn’t create a safe haven for you like I thought I did.”

I held onto some slick animosity after that.

But now, I get it.

Because I found myself saying the exact same words to my daughter.

Crazy how the tables turn.

Crazy how we can trust men who hold dear places in our hearts, our communities, our families.

Now, I understand why you couldn’t validate me back then.

But now, I validate myself.

And I finally understand you.

The Healing

I’m sorry.

You did a wonderful job creating a safe haven for me growing up.

I am the woman I am today because of you.

I hope that what I’ve learned through motherhood will break generational curses.

Maybe this — all of this — was part of the assignment.

And you carried a heavy mantle ushering it in.

Dear Auntie-Mom,

You were never the problem.

He was.

I’m sorry for the chaos.

I’m sorry for the drama.

I was young. I didn’t know how to regulate my emotions.

But now, I understand what it’s like parenting me.

So today, I just want to say❤️

Thank you.

And I love you.

Closing Thoughts

Maturity isn’t about age, it’s about understanding.

And forgiveness isn’t about forgetting it’s about releasing the weight that’s been holding your heart hostage.

If you’re reading this and healing your own childhood while raising your children, know this:

You’re doing the work your ancestors prayed for.

You are breaking cycles simply by choosing to understand, not just to survive.