Soooo Many Crop Tops

Carrie (TV Movie) (11/4/2002)

Photo Credit: MGM

Spoilers ahead!

People pretty much treat this version like it doesn’t exist, and they’re right. Why did they make this? And why is it so much LONGER?

I appreciated the effort to make it more book-accurate. They included the bikini scene, they made Carrie’s path of destruction wider, and Miss Desjardin is Miss Desjardin again. But the police interview framing device sucks, and the CGI is heinous, and the ending is ridiculous. Apparently they intended to make a TV series that followed Carrie afterwards. Obviously, the movie was not well-received enough to do that.

Carrie 2 was at least fun-bad. This is a slog.

(Also, it kind of suffers from being set in 2002 and featuring high school girls named Sue and Norma.)

Sue Snell (Kandyse McClure)

Sue’s police interviews aren’t just boring — they make me mad. I liked Sue as the sweet but complicated secondary protagonist, the Sue that’s the story’s moral center. This Sue is so snarky and mean! All her friends just DIED, and she’s being so bitchy! And what’s up with her dollar-store take on religion? “Shouldn’t religion be more like dogs playing poker?” Wow, good one.

She’s got her moments where she looks chastised, and her scenes with Tommy are kind of sweet. But the part where she meets Carrie in the make-up department is stupid and overkill, and her role in the ending is absurd. Why would she go to Carrie’s house and revive her? I liked when she laid flowers on Carrie’s (empty) grave, just like in the first movie. But then she’s all, “Let’s Thelma and Louise down to Florida, Carrie!” Stupid CW shit. 2/10

Carrie White (Angela Bettis & Jodelle Ferland)

Angela Bettis totally disowned this movie. Apparently she turned the role down three times before finally giving in, hoping to cash in on the TV show. That makes me feel better because I didn’t love her performance.

Carrie somehow seems savvier, a tiny bit more socially apt. She’s not praying in the prayer closet, but sneakily reading teen girl magazines. And when she’s not afraid for her life, she pretty handily disarms her bullies. “You feel sorry for me because you think you’re better than me. It’s okay. Everyone does.” Also, she’s not nearly as cowed by Margaret.

Shower scene is just as devastating and upsetting as always. But prom leaves a lot to be desired. Bettis is beautiful, obviously, but there’s something magical about ’76 prom, where Sissy Spacek looks like she’s floating. Carrie is suspicious throughout the entire prom, never quite letting her guard down, and actually sees the pig’s blood just before it’s dumped on her. So the climax doesn’t hit quite as hard. Also, I think it’s stupid that Carrie doesn’t remember what she did! I guess they didn’t want to make her accountable for her actions? Why not? The vindictive rage in Carrie is part of what makes her so powerful!

Ah well. Good thing she survives to wear the world’s most awful wig and run away to Florida. 3/10

Chris Hargensen (Emilie de Ravin)

I thought Emilie de Ravin looked familiar. This girl gets WORK. She was in Lost and Once Upon a Time.

She plays Chris very similarly to Nancy Allen, with just a bit more nuance. I like that she sparks the idea, then lets Billy slowly take over. Billy is less Danny from Grease and more Criminal Minds murderer. He’s genuinely scary! You’re kind of just as scared for Chris as you are for Carrie.

I don’t love the extra scene where she tries to cozy up to Carrie in the library, which adds absolutely nothing. Even her insinuation that Sue is using her somehow amounts to nothing. Except it’s funny when she asks her if her boobs are sore.

All in all, Chris is this movie’s highlight. Though they stick this beautiful girl in the worst outfits. My favorite is the sports tank top that says FLUFFY. 8/10

Miss Desjardin (Rena Sofer)

Hottest gym teacher so far, which is saying something, because Betty Buckley. I want to like her performance, but I think it suffers because this movie is obsessed with a high school snarkiness that even the adults can’t escape. “Up until now, Carrie thought her first period was homeroom. That’s NOT a joke.” BITCH, YES IT IS?! She’s throwing tampons at high school girls and smirking at the lawyer threatening to fire her.

The most notable difference is her prom scene. She confesses to Carrie that her prom was terrible, not magical, and adds that she hated high school. It might be sweet, except she can’t resist predicting that all the popular girls will get fat, or warning Tommy that Carrie will “look stupid dancing to anything fast.”

She’s got a more active role in the prom scene, saving some people by shoving them up a vent, but by that point I’m already ready for the movie to be over. 5/10

Tina Blake (Katharine Isabelle)

Somehow Tina is the meanest high school girl here. Just an unholy bitch. Yelling at Carrie in the middle of class, sniping at the valedictorian, reveling in Chris’ plan more than Chris does. Don’t worry, she dies! But Angela Bettis was onto something when she called this “Carrie meets 90210.” It’s like the movie delights in Carrie’s bullying just as much as her bullies do. 3/10

Estelle Horan (Michaela Mann)

My favorite scene. She’s topless and unself-conscious, calling Margaret a hypocrite for saying that only bad girls get breasts. “She’s like a C-cup.” So funny. SUCK IT, YOU COW! 9/10

Mrs. Horan (Deborah DeMille)

Imagine your neighbor calling your daughter a whore, then watching her house get destroyed by rocks. 7/10

Margaret White (Patricia Clarkson)

The most famous person here. She’s in The Green Mile AND, perhaps more notably, the Lonely Island ft. Lady Gaga music video “3-Way (The Golden Rule).”

This Margaret is a lot more soft-spoken than Piper Laurie. She actually cuddles Carrie when she gets her period … before slapping her. Perhaps she’s a bit more realistic this way, but it’s also part of the reason the movie goes so much slower. Give me insanity! Though she does get some great lines. “Jesus doesn’t love you anymore” is fun, but not as much fun as “The INTERNET?!?!” Also, I like that Carrie stops her heart, a la the novel.

Notable that this Margaret never even mentions Carrie’s father. I guess she just immaculately conceived. 5/10

Helen Shyres (Chelan Simmons)

Another very annoying high school girl, who calls her date gay, then openly ogles Carrie’s ass. Oh, 2002. 4/10

Donna Kellogg

Not actually in the movie; only mentioned as a former classmate. I’m including her because Sue nonchalantly tells the cop, “Every guy in school had a bowl of her cereal.” Sue suuuuucks! 0/10

Norma Watson (Meghan Black)

No more red baseball cap for ol’ Norma — she’s class valedictorian. Her police interview is the best, mostly because of her Mean Girls-esque explanation of the high school caste system. 7/10

Lady Cop, AKA Madeline (Erin Karpluk)

Doesn’t have a single line, just gives meaningful side-eye. She knows this is gonna flop. 10/10

*For more Stephen King Writes Girls reviews, click here.*