When the desire for mastery triumphs, turn to humble curiosity

Growing up, I have always been the kind to do everything, everywhere, all at once. At school, it went from debate competitions to science fairs, student government to the basketball team, school band to sustainability volunteering. This is how my weeks look like now too, sprinkle in some university-level coursework, extracurriculars, me-time, creative hobbies, quality time with family and friends, side quests like marathons or conferences with experts in science, art history, commerce and so on. I always wanted to make the most of everything.

In many of these, I’d look around and meet people who were sharing these experiences with me. I’d ask them what brought them there and it was fascinating to hear the how they were chosen to do this one thing special to them. Turns out, we were never sharing the same experience because theirs was more personal and meaningful.

Some would wake up with beautiful tunes or scientific discoveries in their mind or choose to work on those in their spare time. The innate talent that emerges from them or the flow state that possesses them was just as wonderful as the creation it led to.

The interesting part is that these versions exist within me, the ones that dream of formulae and melodies amongst every other thing that I do. I couldn’t be mistaken for a natural, it has come with deliberate effort and genuine intentions. Admittedly, it is far from great, but it is out of pure love of the thing that I would be working on.

Though, this love comes with strings attached. Sometimes, you may find yourself falling for one of these things that you try, in the hopes that it was “the one” all along. The one that makes you feel like you belong. However, there is an indifference it responds to you with. This is potentially because you don’t feel great doing it or you aren’t great at it just yet.

I have been fortunate enough to be validated at times for such attempts with prizes or recognition which turned them into accomplishments. It is important to me to be good at what I do, but I didn’t realize when this became more significant that feeling good about what I do.

It always began with the mere desire to experience everything. Time and time again, this turns into the desire to master everything.