Conversations

A grant funded book, with all the trimmings

Photo by The 77 Human Needs System on Unsplash

Not Quite There challenge — The Prompt: Share a story that never fully came together, along with what’s holding it back.

On Friday I was told I could have the extension I was asking for to continue to complete my book and the rest of what I proposed. How could I not be done with it. I received my grant to write the book back in December of 2024 and it is the middle of 2026.

Okay, well here goes. I had conversations with six women and realized ten would be too many. I had proposed ten. Then I found these everyday women were busy with their lives. Even though they are elder women doesn’t mean they aren’t busy.

Then because they are elder women there are losses of loved ones. Some loved ones dying before expected. Grief hits hard when your child dies before you. When your parents die. When younger siblings die. You may expect older siblings to die first, but your baby brother that was your child too, No!

Excuse number one: Ten conversations for a book were too many. Especially as I decided to record the entire conversation for most. I asked to lower that number to six or seven. I have had a conversation with number six and wrote that conversation up as I remember it. Not as she gave it. There is a difference.

Excuse number two: Elder number seven. We planned to meet and it didn’t work out. She was the one that wanted a picnic in June, last June or 2025. This June hasn’t been working out either. The date we had talked about is when her cousin died. She will get back to me.

Excuse number three: I proposed a webpage for selling my book or at least getting the word out. My son said he would help me with that at any time. Preferably on the weekend as he doesn’t work weekends. My weekends have been full, as are his.

Most recently he said, “Send me some material and I can put it together to show you how it will look as I work on it.” That sounds great. Why didn’t we do this before. Now to send him some material. He told me to send authors info., book summary, photos of elders in conversation…

Excuse number four: I proposed quality photos or drawings of the elder women. My son did a photo shoot with one of the women, using his phone camera. Not what I had in mind, but it will work. I haven’t done the rest. He said, “Send the photos you have to me, and I can do what I can with them.”

Excuse number five: I said I would make an audio book, having no idea how to do that or what that may cost me. I do have much of the conversations on tape.

Excuse number six: I had no idea what I was proposing would be so much work, or that I would even get the grant that I submitted. I expected it to take less than a year to finish. Here I am asking for an extension.

What is holding this proposal back from completion? Me. Plain and simple. It’s me. Do I really want to share this book with others. Things these elder women shared with me? After all they did give me permission. Do they really know what it means to have their stories in print? Or in an audiobook?

And do I want people to read just how I answered the questions or what I wrote about in the forward and afterward? Yes, it is me holding up the finished product from being published. I have only submitted two proposals to publishers at this time. One very rough draft and another less rough draft.

I have looked into self-publishers and realize that it could take $6,000. to make it a book. Money I cannot afford to supply. I have only ever self-published by printing and either stapling or using combs to make books.

All of this and more is Why I am Not Quite There!

Originally published at https://vocal.media for the Not Quite There challenge.