I Keep Wanting to Tell You Things

It’s only been a day, and somehow, I already have so much I wish I could tell you.

It hasn’t even been that long.

Just one day.

And I already keep wanting to tell you things.

Nothing important, really.

Something stupid that happened. Something I saw. Something that made me laugh. Something that reminded me of you.

My first instinct is still you.

For a second, everything feels normal. I think about telling you something, opening our conversation, sending you a message —

and then I remember.

We broke up.

You’re not mine anymore.

And I don’t know what to do with that yet.

It Doesn’t Feel Real

Maybe because yesterday, you were still part of my life in a completely different way.

And today I’m somehow supposed to understand that everything has changed.

How does someone go from being the person you tell everything to…

to someone you’re supposed to leave alone?

How am I supposed to adjust that quickly?

I still want to ask if you’ve eaten.

I still wonder what you’re doing.

I still want to hear about your day.

I still want to say good morning and good night.

My heart hasn’t caught up with what happened.

It still looks for you as if you’re coming back.

I Want You Back

There isn’t some beautiful realization here yet.

I wish there was.

Right now, I just miss you.

I want you back.

I want to see your name on my phone again.

I want another conversation with you. Another dinner. Another ordinary day where neither of us knows we’re going to lose it.

I keep thinking about everything I could have said differently.

Everything I could have done differently.

I wish I could go back.

God, I wish I could go back.

Not months.

Not years.

Just far enough to change something.

Anything.

Anything that would mean I still get to call you mine today.

I Wonder If You Miss Me Too

It’s only been a day, so maybe you do.

Maybe you still instinctively reach for your phone too.

Maybe something happened today and, just for a second, you wanted to tell me.

Maybe you’re hurting.

Maybe you’re trying not to think about me.

Maybe you’re relieved.

I don’t know.

And not knowing hurts too.

I wonder if there was even one moment today when you thought,

I miss her.

Because there have been so many moments when I’ve thought that about you.

You Asked Me to Let You Go

And I know.

I heard you.

Even if my heart doesn’t want to accept it yet.

You asked me to let you go.

So I’m trying.

I’m trying not to turn missing you into an excuse to reach for you when you’ve asked for space.

I’m trying to understand that loving you doesn’t give me the right to hold onto you.

But please know that trying to let you go doesn’t mean I suddenly stopped wanting you.

I didn’t.

It’s been one day.

I still love you exactly where you left me.

Maybe Tomorrow Will Be Different

I don’t know what I’ll feel tomorrow.

I don’t know what I’ll feel next week.

I’m not ready to talk about moving on or finding someone else or even becoming okay without you.

That’s too far away.

Right now, I can only survive today.

And today, I miss you.

Today, I wish you were here.

Today, everything in me still wants to run back to you and ask you to please choose us one more time.

But I won’t.

So instead, I’ll write.

I’ll put all the things I want to tell you somewhere you don’t have to hear them.

Because it’s only been a day.

Of course I’m still looking for you.

Of course I’m still hoping.

Of course I still love you.

Yesterday, you were still the person I thought I’d keep telling everything to.

And today, there are already a thousand little things I want to tell you.

I just don’t get to anymore.