The Art of my Loneliness

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

I’ve started to recognize my attachment to loneliness. It feels safe. It feels familiar and protected. And in many ways, it’s rooted in my upbringing. My father was incarcerated when I was only five years old, and my mother has always worked in a constant state of survival, grinding, providing, but often emotionally unavailable. Because of that, I’ve noticed how difficult it can be for me to connect deeply with others over long periods of time. Commitment feels heavy, while distance feels freeing.

I know I will grow and change, but this isn’t about being young or “having time.” It’s about what I’ve seen and what I haven’t. I don’t often see love expressed in my community in ways that feel secure or lasting. Most of what we become is shaped by what we see and what we are around. and where I come from Baltimore, life is often centered around survival, scarcity, and doing what you have to do to make it. That reality creates a different lens.

When I’m on campus, I hear my peers talk about loving parents, close families, and emotional support systems. I listen, but I don’t relate. That disconnect creates a kind of mental isolation, being surrounded by people, yet feeling separate from their experiences. It’s not just about difference; it’s about not seeing your reality reflected back at you. Still, my story is mine. And I am becoming someone new every day.

As a public policy and busines student, my experiences shape everything I study, what I question, and what I write about. They fuel my interest in advocacy, in people, in social issues, and in systems that are meant to protect and serve. Public policy sits at the intersection of business, government, and humanity. It’s about creating structures that make life more livable, more just, and more equitable.

Reading and writing have always been where I find myself. Sometimes I step outside of my own perspective and think, “This is really my experience.” Not in a way that is good or bad but in a way that simply is. And that awareness, that reflection, continues to shape who I am becoming.

Thank you for reading. ♥︎