I wanna do everything all at once and so I do nothing at all

As a creative and curious person I always want to multiple things at the same time so I end up doing nothing at all. I want to listen to podcasts while designing and I wanna listen to songs while reading or watch shows while doing my daily chores. I always tend to multi-task but that makes me question that am I actually completing any of the tasks soulfully or am I distracting myself by doing both of the tasks together. I end up in this never ending loop of thoughts and the dilemma of what to do next, so I just procrastinate.

I feel like I am in this limbo where I never seem to have enough time for anything. They say time never stops for anyone, so how do I ask it so just stop for a second and let me take a breath. it feels like running to catching a train with no stations.

I have 452 search tabs open in my phone and 26 other on my laptop, most of which are of the topics I wanna research on or the books I wanna read or the design inspiration for new projects that I wanna start designing but never do. There are so many different things that I am interested in like science, finance, politics, psychology, economics, art, sociology and society, language, and many more; but as I try to catch up with time it speeds up more and I am left stranded with a list of tasks and a daily to do list which is never fully checked.

everyday as I wake up in morning, scroll through social media and prepare my breakfast, while having my meal I start doomscrolling while the book I started to read is right there gathering dust. just to break this cycle I deactivated all my social media today. I feel anxious just thinking about how am i gonna survive this, but I think i’ll pull it off.

I started learning Turkish almost two months ago and I have been pretty consistent with it but I don’t know how long i’ll be doing it for. I try to keep up with daily news but on matter how much I read there is always something that is left. I feel that it’s the amount of information that we are exposed to that makes us demented and unable to do anything.

Procrastinating is not just because of laziness but also because of the cognitive overload that we face daily. Maybe it not procrastination but a brain freeze; a sign for my brain to rest and restart. I have been meaning to start writing for so long but didn’t, may be its because its not something I really enjoy doing but just a skill I want to develop, but as I started writing I realised that its not enjoying nor is it about developing a new skill but it is actually about staying in present and unwinding; just taking a pause for a moment.

Thinking about everything i’ve been doing makes me wonder why do i feel like i’m doing nothing at all when there are so many things i’m doing all together.