From Tuberculosis to TikTok: Why We Keep Romanticizing the “Sad Girl Aesthetic”

In 2012 to 2015 Tumblr had its very own aesthetic. Known as the Tumblr girl. Teenage girls with black ripped tights, and pictures of girls crying with mascara running down their faces. But what was so unique about this era was that the girls’ sadness was seen as beautiful. It was a widespread trend that young girls wanted to follow, convincing themselves that they truly are sad but still pretty. The sad woman has continuously been a thing.

With tuberculosis being seen as art, to novels about privileged sad women, and now pinterest, instagram and tiktok worshiping sad typically white women. If you’ve been on any social media, you’ve probably noticed images or videos of women with mental illnesses. Like depression, anxiety, types of eating disorders and much more. My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottesa Moshfegh has been stripped of its meaning and aestheticized by teenagers online.

Pinterest & young teenagers’ comments

In the Pin above Daisy is one of the characters from Girl Interrupted, which in the movie and novel we meet in a mental institute. She wears colorful headbands and pastel tops, her dark silky hair upturned at the bottom. Her eyes are lined by dark lashes making her look young and beautiful. In one of the scenes Daisy commits suicide to the song The End of The World by Skeeter davis. On tiktok there was a popular joke where a teenager would pretend to be a parent and ask why The End of The World is playing on repeat behind a closed door. This is already a sign that people are recreating scenes like these, even though it should not be turned into a meme.

It’s not only about copying illnesses it’s also about struggling but not wanting to ask for help. This aesthetic teaches teens how to cope in an unhealthy way. Instead of using healthy tools the internet shows that being alone, smoking, or SH is the more chic way to cope.

And I’m not going to lie, I find beauty in sadness. Without sadness there is no happiness. If there were to be only joy there would be no contrast between the two emotions. Everyone gets sad, it gives a break from feeling our best. I find it necessary to not be okay, but being sad long term is something I advise to not romanticize. Mental health should be taken seriously, it can impact so many teenagers and adults and the people around them. It’s not something that should be called beautiful or made fun of in any sense.

The beginning of the sad woman

During the late 18th and 19th century Tuberculosis was seen as a beautiful illness. It was seen as a graceful way to die. People wanted to look pale, this was seen as a majestic way to live even though it was deadly. Many influential figures had this disease, people thought it was art that TB consumed the body and made the human more creative. It became a huge part of art, theater and literature. Author Charlotte Bronte as her sister Anne was dying wrote, “Consumption, I am aware, Is a flattering malady.”

Art showcasing Tuberculosis

In distant pasts, for example public hangings were viewed by hundreds of people, who cheered and smiled when they witnessed a person of wrong doing pass away. If someone were to owe you something but couldn’t repay you. The one who was the target in the situation gets to have the power over the person. They get the satisfaction or pleasure of hurting or dominating the one who is powerless. “The equivalence is provided by this: that instead of an advantage directly balancing the wrong (such as a compensation in money, land, or possessions), the creditor is granted a kind of pleasure as repayment and compensation — the pleasure of being allowed to vent his power freely upon one who is powerless… the enjoyment of violation.”

— On the Genealogy of Morals by Friedrich Nietzsche, Second Essay, Section 5.

Now that torture and death sentences are never or very rarely done. Violence is not an option for any individual, people have flipped this inner need onto themselves. Since they cannot punish any one else, they must punish themselves. It makes people think they are a better person, that punishing yourself makes you less self-centered and not a bad person who dominates others. In this world there are so many things we do to make ourselves feel guilty, for example ruining the planet. Hurting your own inner self can make you momentarily believe that you are not the “bad guy.”

I mention this since we don’t know exactly why women take sadness as an aesthetic. Maybe it isn’t only about the pink colors but about proving something to yourself.

The beginning of the modern sad woman

Ottessa Moshfegh wrote this in her novel My Year of Rest and Relaxation. “I was wearing a long black cashmere coat over my pajamas… My hair was matted. I hadn’t washed it in two weeks, but it was still shiny, the natural oils keeping it smooth and sleek.” (p. 23)”.

She describes the unnamed character as a disheveled gorgeous girl. Moshpegh described the objectively unhygienic side of depression in a smooth writing style, but with a twist at the end as she is described as elegant. In this instance it’s a privilege for her to still be good looking even though she’s heavily depressed. This creates a sense of unfairness. I think this can cause readers to want to be at her level, to look like a “sad angel”. Because they want what she has, the privilege to do absolutely nothing yet still look good, or appear that way.

“I kept my pills organized in a tiered spice rack on the kitchen counter. It looked like an apothecary of pastels — pale pinks, soft yellows, muted blues. They were beautiful, like candy.” (p. 48) My Year of Rest and Relaxation. She describes her heavy narcotics as an “apothecary of pastels” and that they look like candies.

This directly goes into the sub-culture of romanticizing mental illnesses. The way she describes the pills in soft colors like they’re just a normal girly lifestyle object, even though she was misusing her medications. This can create an image that medication which can help out people who need it is a regular beautiful thing that can be taken to fit into this aesthetic. Misusing drugs can be extremely dangerous. Abuse of medications can appear to be safe, since they are prescribed by doctors. This misconception is so dangerous because it can lead to death caused by an overdose, strokes and many more health risks. This can alter a teenager’s brain chemistry and cause serious mental and physical issues. Many adults regret these decisions they made when they were younger.

When I read My Year of Rest and Relaxation I thought, and still do, that it’s a poignant and beautifully written novel. I enjoyed how Moshfegh doesn’t hold back, we can see how the main character struggles and many can relate to a woman who isn’t always okay. In the novel the protagonist’s best friend Reva whom she ignores, is the absolute opposite of the unnamed protagonist. Reva is bubbly and energetic, while still dealing with what I believe to be alcoholism.

The protagonist is wealthy and very privileged, she can afford to mimic death by paying a corrupt psychiatrist. I believe the protagonist is trying to cope with the grief of her parents by avoiding life; she wants to wake up a year later and feel lighter. In the novel she states that she does. While Reva is struggling with middle class anxieties, she must work everyday to keep up, while also suffering with body image issues.

The last page describes an image of what she believes to be Reva falling from a building,

She describes her death as beautiful. And that Reva is wide awake. The protagonist watches her falling over and over again, now feeling her sorrow and not avoiding it.

I think young girls see sleeping as a coping mechanism from this book as well. But I think instead of looking at this novel as a way to live, we can use it as an example of how books can affect teenagers and how we can avoid getting caught up and inspired by characters who are struggling yet beautiful.

I wanted to open up and talk about this novel because I used to look up to the unnamed character. I got caught up in believing that depression is an artistic way to live. I don’t want to shame the book for being too depressing, or say that it’s necessarily a bad book.

I would like for you to understand that the novel is meaningful, but an unhealthy way to live. Writing is a beautiful tool for expressing emotions that aren’t always happy, but this type of writing can sometimes be exaggerated, or focusing on a part of a character’s life that was hard. Sometimes books don’t end on the happiest note, but that doesn’t mean we can’t heal. It’s normal to be sad, but never let it take over your life even though it can be hard. You can still be powerful even though you’re dealing with something in a specific moment or something you think will never go away. And maybe adding some aesthetic to sadness can be okay, to show that being sad is okay.

I believe there is a way we can take this “ sadness is beautiful” theme and untwist it back into something that can be related to, not copied. We all feel sad and sometimes we need to realise other people are struggling as well, books can make us feel like we’re not alone. Maybe we could take it back step by step, and discover that relating to a book is different from copying the character.

The modern sad girl

In this image from Pinterest, you can notice the light pink coloring of the entire picture. The gray hair looks frail and “dead” looking, while the bow gives it a soft feminine touch, like a decoration. Many girlbloggers add negative messages or actions using pink fonts on top of the pin. It makes the image feel lighter and less “real”. I believe this is the goal, to dull the reality of depression. To make it seem like it’s a beautiful illness. They don’t want to believe that it truly is an issue, which softens the terrifying idea of being “ill”.

In my opinion it’s a way of coping, teenagers feel new and confusing emotions that can make the idea of these emotions into something pretty, not something that is “wrong” or something you should be “ashamed” of.

You might wonder why this is so widespread and why people aren’t grasping how seriously mental health should be taken. Since it only seems to be sprouting from books or novels. I believe this began when readers found comfort in books, “booktok” is very popular these days. Having tiktokers promote or degrade books, these videos reach millions of people creating a community which supports sad women.

People often look at it from a feminist perspective, saying it’s okay for women to not be okay. That women are allowed to do absolutely nothing except lay in their own filth. Throughout history we see how women have been treated. With the obvious stereotype of a woman in the kitchen, and taking care of the children.

These books go against this completely, giving teenagers the hope and comfort that they don’t need to do this, and that it doesn’t have to be the only way out. Even though this type of comfort should not be supported and is not truthful in any sense.

Women should be able to enjoy the glory and freedom of life without needing to be put into a category either by men or themselves. Some might say the sad girl aesthetic was created by girls and that it wasn’t essentially created by men. I believe this is not true. Yes, women did build this aesthetic. But what made it surround young girls is the pressure which they live under. The need to be charismatic, happy and beautiful, was flipped around by females. They wanted to find beauty in “laziness” and not pretending that we are okay all the time.

This to me seems like an escape to be beautiful yet going against the standards of the “perfect” female.

Teenagers spend an immense amount of their day on social media. Scrolling through endless Pinterest images of women “rotting” in their beds with greasy hair, cigarettes and bottles scattered on their nightstands. Constantly hearing specific “sad” or “melancholic” songs by Lana Del Rey, Fiona Apple, Mitski, and more. This eventually gets drilled into your head, having sad lyrics on repeat inside of your mind.

You know when you watch a sad movie and then pretend you’re the main character for a couple hours. There’s so much negative information and bad habits that are supported and taught on social media.

Connecting this back to books and the “sad girl” aesthetic I notice that these things can change the way you think, what you find normal, and how you treat yourself. But you can’t mix up someone “developing” a clinical psychological disorder.

But teenagers thinking that depression can make you seem unique, artistic, alluring or mysterious getting better can suddenly feel like losing a part of their identity.

People fake mental illnesses and romanticize them for clout. Trends spread fast on social media, teenagers replicate these videos and cause a chain of teens doing unhealthy things.

The most dangerous part of this is that teenagers can develop real mental issues from this aesthetic. When your mind is always stuck on something negative it starts to convince you to actually believe in it.

Stories of characters who struggled to survive can be powerful inspiration for teenagers looking for hope and direction. Tuberculosis lost its mystery due to a growing widespread understanding of the science of illnesses; maybe when mental health is further debunked we will realise it’s not as “ethereal” as it may appear today.

Works Cited/Consulted

Anette Lopez, Alicea Hibbard. “Tuberculosis and the Fatal Beauty of Romanticism | ASM.org.” ASM.org, 2025, asm.org/articles/2025/may/tuberculosis-and-fatal-beauty-romanticism.

VOLKOW, NORA D. “TEEN PRESCRIPTION DRUG ABUSE: A MAJOR HEALTH CONCERN.” Tennessee Medicine : Journal of the Tennessee Medical Association, vol. 102, no. 4, Apr. 2009, p. 28, pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4827331/.

zoeunlimited. “The Romanticization of Sad Girls.” YouTube, 29 Dec. 2022, www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYdEKhbQq-M. Accessed 29 Mar. 2025.