The One Thing I Loathe About Getting Old

It’s not what you think.

https://www.pexels.com/@d123x/ photo source: Darcy Lawrey

“I went down like on old lady.”

That’s a line from the movie “Unfaithful,” a movie that came out in 2002.

Despite not seeing the movie for over 20 years, that line stayed with me for some reason. Now I know why.

When I saw it for the first and only time, I was young — barely into my thirties. Before mobile phones and AI took over and everything was streamed.

The actress who said that line, Diane Lane, might have been in her forties, yet Hollywood being what it is, she was probably 35 and “old” by Hollywood standards. I mean she was married to Richard Gere! (in the movie, that is.) It’s a miracle they didn’t pair him with a 22-year-old.

You can’t know until it happens to you.

Today, I fell down following someone out a back door and down two steps. I fell down hard and for no reason.

I’m in my fifties and want to blame the fall on my shoes and my glasses and the fact that I haven’t really worked out in years, though I used to be what they call a “gym rat.”

Yet, the line “I went down like an old lady,” spoken 20 years ago came back to me today and it hit different. Now I understand why it bothered her that she “went down like an old lady.” Because today, I did too.

In the movie the character who takes the fall ends up having a torrid affair, but you gotta watch the movie for all that drama. My fall did not lead to an affair.

If I had been 70, I would have broken a hip and messed up my shoulder — no question about it. But this time I only pulled my hamstring, which, thanks to the internet, I know how to fix. I’m icing it as I write. And I’ve taken more NSAIDs than I have in a year. When I was younger I remember a joke among the “older” people: “Take my vitamin I.”

“What’s that?” I asked a retired dentist, “Ibuprofen,” he replied.

Also thanks to the Internet, I’m told I could have torn my hamstring more than 90%, which allegedly means you’re in too much pain to walk. Surgery is the only fix for that. I did not tear it. At least I don’t think I did based in all the YouTube videos I’ve watched. Thankful for that tender mercy.

As it turns out, I probably have a 2nd degree tear and thanks to YouTube I know exactly what to do to fix it.

All this is going to require a lot of patience and perhaps a massage gun, but I have that handled cause I held onto a hand-operated massage machine from years ago when I messed up my back.

In case you were unaware: getting old sucks.

I loathe getting old. Don’t get me wrong — I don’t care about looking old, or that no one ever looks at me that way — those are things I’m grateful for. I love the invisibility that comes with aging.

What I hate about getting old is you’re not allowed to make mistakes, you’re paying heavily for the ones you’ve made and no one comments on your potential anymore. People expect you to have it all sorted, when, sometimes, you don’t.

Oh, and the falling, I hate the falling.

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