MY FIRST POST

I am just an ordinary girl, having dreams not to conquer the world, but to have a stable, healthy life. My dream is not to think about money when visiting a doctor for health issues.

I am a girl who came from a very small village where there wasn’t a good education system. Still, I had a dream of having a job. This was my only dream not to become a doctor, not an engineer, nothing else because I didn’t know about any other profession. I just dreamed of having a job, unaware of which job.

I did not know that I had an anxiety disorder from my childhood. Not even my parents knew about something called an anxiety disorder. Despite all this, I studied hard so hard without a good education system. I got good marks, but now I realize I should not have put in all that effort only for marks. I should have understood what was written in my books. My focus was only on the answers to questions, not on the concepts.

Still, cut to my engineering life. There also, I had very little exposure to the world. People used to have so much knowledge about politics, technology, and science, and I felt like a failure. Still, I got a job in a big company in India, but with very, very minimal pay. I have been there for the last 3 years.

People of my age have high-paying jobs, earning in lakhs, and I am still here. I feel like a failure. I feel like I am nothing. I have health issues, and for that, I need a lot of money. I have to think 100 times before going to a doctor. That makes me feel miserable.

I am trying to get a new high-paying job so that I don’t have to think, at least, about my medical bills.

But the main twist — when I was blaming myself, I realized I did a lot of hard work. It very very hard for a girl coming from a village doing everything just with mindset of not giving up whatever happens, That’s why I am an independent woman right now. I had the option to give up, get married, and depend on a husband and children. But I didn’t give up.

Even when I used to have anxiety attacks and severe health issues, I never thought of quitting my job.

Then I realized — I AM NOT A FAILURE, BUT A FIGHTER.