My Journey With Mental Illness

Getting beyond the over-spiritualizing to what really heals

Photo by Arun Anoop on Unsplash

Throughout most of my life I have experienced anxiety and, at times, deep depression. On top of that, about five years ago I was diagnosed with OCD. Oh, and I’ve had issues with addiction throughout my life as well.

You could say that I’m a bit of a hot mess when it comes to mental health. Grief hits me hard and, being one of those HSPs (Highly Sensitive People), I feel the struggles of life very deeply, sometimes to the point where I struggle to function if my life circumstances aren’t going according to plan.

I’ve had my share of grief in life, but most of the time my mental health is manageable and I can function as if it is not an issue. Most people wouldn’t know of my struggles.

That’s the thing of course with mental ill-health. You can come across like everything’s fine. Until you get home and you just want to lie in bed. Sometimes I have had intense episodes where I have felt overwhelmed, struggled to function and have had to seek professional help. Medication has helped, as has support from others. Currently I’m getting the very helpful support of a good therapist.

Those of you reading this who know what it’s like to live with mental illness will know that the word ‘torture’ is not too strong a word to describe what we go through at our worst. We catastrophize, go on shame-spirals and think the worst of ourselves. Doing basic tasks can literally feel impossible. I even went through a period once where I genuinely believed that it was a mistake that I had been born.

Mental illness tells you that you’re worthless and different. It messes with your mind. Recovery often comes from realizing that you are not your thoughts and that your feelings don’t reflect who you really are.

More and more people are talking about mental health these days. In recent years especially, with the impacts of COVID-19, mental health issues have been at epidemic levels. Young people in particular have suffered at alarming levels. And the trauma of that is still probably being revealed. People I know who work in counseling tell me that they are booked up for months, often with new clients.

I’m thankful that mental health is taken more seriously today than it was some decades ago. One of the silver linings of the pandemic was the realization that anyone, regardless of age, status, income or sexuality, can experience mental health problems. In that sense, COVID-19 was the great leveler.

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

Materially rich, but emotionally poor

Mental illness is an epidemic in Western society. My country of Australia is one of the richest nations in the world materially, yet our rates of depression and anxiety are literally off the charts.

Thankfully the church is slowly catching up to the rest of society in treating mental health seriously and not just as a spiritual issue. There is still a long way to go though, with some Christians still referring to depression as a sin and seeing anything to do with mental illness as akin to there being a demon behind every rock. It’s just ridiculous.

While I certainly believe in demon-possession, Christians too often tend to over-spiritualize mental health problems. To see it as only a spiritual problem is to not take it seriously enough and to actually prolong the suffering of people living with it.

One of the biggest problems that people with anxiety or depression struggle with is a sense of shame. Brene Brown describes shame as the belief that you are fundamentally a bad person and not loved. So, the last thing that someone struggling with mental ill-health needs is to be told that they are living in sin, especially when it’s done in a context of judgmentalism. Such counsel is nothing less than spiritual abuse and needs to be called out as that.

People will never heal when they are shamed. Never. Jesus never did shamed anyone, so neither should we. Shaming someone for their mental illness actually makes it worse. It is the most un-Christlike response you can imagine.

The way Jesus related with people struggling mentally was full of compassion. The common people flocked to him (Mark 12:37) because in him they found acceptance when all they heard from those in authority around them, including the religious leaders, was judgment and shame (Luke 5:29–32).

Probably my favorite example of how Jesus treated people troubled with mental illness is the story of the Gerasene demoniac (Mark 5:1–20). This man had many unclean spirits, and they were affecting him not only spiritually, but emotionally, mentally, physically and socially.

When we look at the context of the gospels, we see that Jesus always healed the whole person. The healings he performed were not just physical and not just spiritual.

The Gerasene demoniac was an outcast. He lived among the tombs on the outskirts of the local town where he wouldn’t be noticed by the residents. Out of sight, out of mind. So, the healing of this man was a social healing. When he was healed, he became just like any other member of the community.

Jesus also healed this man emotionally and mentally. We are specifically told that after the demons had been thrown out of him, he was clothed and in his right mind.

Through healing him socially, emotionally and mentally, Jesus healed the man’s very identity. The man had restored mental health. He knew who he was, a loved child of the most high God. No wonder he boldly went back into the town and proclaimed what Jesus had done for him. Finally he was free from his ailment and he was filled with the most unspeakable joy and life.

Photo by RU Recovery Ministries on Unsplash

What recovery looks like

When people who struggle with mental ill-health start to recover, they are often over the moon. They’re a different person. I’ve seen people change in the most radical ways over time. At the inner-city church I used to attend in Melbourne, Australia, I remember one person, Sharon (name changed to protect her identity),* who had schizophrenia, lived on the streets and would often come into the church yelling.

Over a couple of years, she was literally loved back to life. The lasting image I have of Sharon is her holding a baby of one of the new mothers in the church, gazing at the baby with a look of such love in her eyes and a beautiful smile on her face. It was the face of Jesus I saw in Sharon that day.

The healing that Jesus brings to all of us is holistic. It’s physical, spiritual, mental and emotional. Most often, healing lies in healthy human connection. That was what happened with Sharon, and it’s what British researcher, Johann Hari, says in his brilliant book, Lost Connections. Human relationship and connection is most often the best antidote for depression and loneliness.

Human connection is what I experienced in abundance when I was in the US some years ago. Each day, I was with people from the time I woke up in the morning to the time I went to bed at night. And they were people who were just beautifully loving and accepting. I always felt connected and I didn’t feel down for the whole month I was in the US. I even reduced my antidepressant medication for some of the time I was there.

Knowing we are loved is often the best way to deal with mental health. God is a relational God and has made us for connection. As St Augustine said of God all those centuries ago,

“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You.”

If you struggle with mental illness, don’t hesitate to admit yourself to a clinic if you need to and if you can afford it. Unfortunately in Australia, private health insurance is unaffordable for those who generally need it the most. They either get put into the horribly underfunded public system or get put on the streets, where of course their situation gets even worse.

But if you can afford it, don’t let stigma stop you. If you had a broken leg, you would have no hesitation going to hospital to get it mended. It’s the same with a broken mind. And there is nothing wrong with our brokenness. It’s a valued and loved part of you and is to be embraced.

For those of us who know people struggling with mental illness, get around them and love them deeply. And for God’s sake, don’t shame them or give them advice (unless they request it). We can often put people in the ‘too hard’ basket, but that’s not being loving.

The early church thrived because they lived in community and shared everything they had. The church of the 21st century needs to recover that same attitude. It’s about having an attitude of sacrificial love and relationship.

Whatever your mental health situation, you are an inherently valuable human being. Nothing can or will ever change that. You have been made in the very image of the Creator God, with full dignity and rights. Nothing can ever separate you from that, not even the torture of mental illness.

In Australia, people looking for help or information can call Lifeline on 13 11 14, Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636.

If you are in the US and are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988.

In the UK, if you’re in crisis and need to talk, call the Samaritans on 116 123 or the National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK on 0800 689 5652.

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