Identify Core Needs and Beliefs. Get Unstuck. Feel Lighter. Move upward.

Identify Core Needs and Beliefs. Get Unstuck. Feel Lighter. Move upward.

Are you ready for relief and reset?

Get some curiosity, clarity and compassion around basic human needs and common erroneous beliefs. Neglecting needs and holding onto un-useful beliefs can keep us stuck. Not fun.

Curiosity, clarity and compassion can be so refreshing. Get curious instead of judgmental of yourself. Curiosity helps you find clarity. The problem and solution may be different from what you expect. Have some compassion for your struggles. Breathe.

First, let’s look at some basic needs.

Acknowledgement:

A fundamental need we all seem to have is acknowledgement. Being heard, seen and accepted are as life giving as fresh air. Give yourself some fresh air instead of expecting others to. Acknowledge and validate yourself.

For example: “Jill, you seem tired right now. I see you. Of course you are tired. You have been working in the garden all morning. It’s okay to lay on the couch for 20 minutes and breathe and relax. I got you!”

Years ago, a young child of ours came running into the house crying because a brother had been teasing him. I didn’t say a word. I just hugged him until he felt better and ran back outside. He felt seen and understood.

Have you ever noticed how a person calms down when you lovingly give them 100% of your attention? Give yourself some acknowledgement and attention. It only takes a minute.

For example: “Jill, I can see that you have a knot in your throat. I see you. That conversation was awkward. It’s okay to feel awkward.” Breathe and allow the feeling to be there.

Physical well-being:

Another fundamental need is for exercise and nutrition. If we can recognize the value of satisfying this need, life becomes easier. Just do it. Balance your chemistry. Don’t put gasoline in a diesel engine. And try to move every ½ hour.

Creativity and Variety:

Everyone needs opportunities for creativity. Get curious about what might be fun and interesting for you. Give yourself permission to do something creative. This human need goes hand in hand with the need for variety, which is the spice of life.

Have you ever had a bland meal and then later, a meal with lots of interesting spices? So much more enjoyable. Plan time for creativity and variety.

Association:

We all need association with other human beings, to some degree or another. Acknowledge this core need and figure out how to satisfy it. Associate with people who help you be a better, happier person. It’s worth the effort.

Quiet time/Stillness:

Quiet and stillness can make people feel very uncomfortable at first. It takes practice. Start with watching the clouds and breathing fully for 1 minute. Screens don’t fill the need. They are just a diversion or distraction. Experiment with being genuinely quiet and still. Just breathe. Instead of telling a story or having a dialogue in your head, focus on what your 5 senses are noticing. It can be relaxing and playful.

Have you ever seen a child watch a honey bee or examine a rock? Stillness can bring peace, after you practice it for a while. While practicing, allow discomfort. Notice the discomfort. It’s not a big deal. Say “hi” to it.

By the way, try saying “hi” to yourself every time you look in the mirror. 

Give yourself permission to fill your needs. It helps you be a better person to others.

Beliefs:

Now, let’s take a look at some common erroneous beliefs, that we don’t always recognize are deep inside of us. Get curious. See if any of these are familiar. Awareness is powerful.

There’s something wrong with me.

I’m not good enough.

My worth comes from my accomplishments.

I have to protect myself because the world is dangerous.

I can’t tolerate discomfort.

Stillness will bring up intolerable emotions.

I am not supported. I have to shoulder full responsibility.

I have to fix everything.

Others have to take care of me because I’m not capable.

Caring for my own basic needs is selfish.

It’s not okay to relax. Or. It’s too hard to work hard.

Scriptures and church are boring.

Having pure love is not attainable for me. It’s impossible.

God is displeased with me, disappointed in me.

I have to constantly accomplish things in order to feel good about myself.

I have to get angry or people won’t take me seriously.

I have to be in control.

Those people are bad. They are not safe. They always disagree with me.

It’s too hard.

I can’t tolerate discomfort.

I can be happy only if my spouse____.

It displays weakness to have feelings or express feelings.

It’s not okay to say my needs and desires.

I don’t have time. There’s never enough time.

There’s never enough money.

Money is evil.

I have to save this thing for something special. I don’t dare wear it or use it.

I have to keep stuff just in case someone needs it.

Feelings are dangerous.

“I don’t know.”

I’ll never be able to recover from childhood challenges.

I’ll never be able to recover from mistakes I’ve made.

And so forth.

To get unstuck, feel lighter, find relief and reset, first, identify your core needs and give yourself permission to fill those needs the best you can. Share with loved ones.

Second, identify your un-useful beliefs and rewire your brain with more useful beliefs. Write a list of all the crazy possible new replacement beliefs. As you read the list, one or two will spark. Try repeating the new beliefs consistently and you may be surprised how much better it feels.

Ask for help.

Relief and joy are possible. Feeling lighter is easier than you think.