Finally figured it out

I was browsing through my past tweets from this day last year and I stumbled upon a tweet that I retweeted, but actually tweeted on November 2015 (phew, that was a lot of “tweet” in one sentence). It said:

What’s the exact word for longing for something unknown? An intense, deep longing. Because that’s what I’m feeling right now.

Fast forward to almost three years later after I originally posted that, I was trying to remember how it actually felt — to long for something so unsure and so difficult to figure out. But the thing is, I just couldn’t. At that point in my life, I thought I was actually okay and happy. And for me to feel that way must have felt that something was still missing but I just wasn’t able to figure out what it was. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I said. The reason I believe why I retweeted it last year was because I was obviously so unhappy and I felt that I was stuck in a rut and a huge amount of toxicity in my life that I failed to acknowledge before. I was asking myself a lot of questions.

And then Karl came along.

Maybe the reason why I couldn’t remember how the feeling of longing for something unknown actually feels is because I finally found what I have been longing for and have been missing out on — a love so genuine and so certain. A love that causes nothing but sheer bliss despite the petty fights and the misunderstandings. A love that doesn’t require you to have it all figured out alone because you both believe that you can figure everything out better together. A love that builds me up when I’m feeling down. A love that always strives to paint a smile on my face. A love that bears with me patiently despite all my anxieties and sudden outburst of insecurities. A love that lets me be. A love that wipes away my tears and replaces it with laughter when it feels like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulder. A love so unconditional. A love so different — a love that’s the only relevant one among past ones I have experienced before. A love so freeing. A love like Karl’s. A love like ours — despite the hardships of a long-distance relationship.

Now my question is, what’s the exact word for an indescribable sense of contentment and bliss? Bliss so deep, so intense. Because that’s what I’m feeling right now.