Am I a... man?

These days, the internet doesn’t seem to think I’m woman enough. And since I told you I do baddie stuff now, I have to tell you about this too.

Yeah idk. A man?

Typically, I’m supposed to be working, but instead, I just finished stalking an old classmate on LinkedIn because, well—cramps. I needed the distraction.

One click led to another, and before I knew it, I was somehow listening to a podcast where she was talking about embracing your modern femininity and the divine power of being a woman.

Mind you, this is not my first rodeo with ambiguous statements like embracing your femininity. Recently, the girlies swore on Twitter to model their lives after a movie character because "Achalugo, I’m going to marry you." Lmao dfkm. 😭.

There is just always one conversation or the other about feminine softness. About how to make your man do things for you. About surrendering and finding your inner peace. About rejecting struggle while still, somehow, proving your worth. You know what I mean—TikTok lingo and stuff.

In fact, I think that might be why everybody is sounding squeaky on TikTok lately. I can’t hear what you people are saying in your vlogs anymore. I think they also say you have to speak “softly” to be feminine. You have to more or less whisper.

If you ask me what is happening, I do not know. I hope to somehow get clarity after I complete this.

Still, I mostly wonder when and how femininity became something I have to step or walk into? What does that even mean? Because as far as I know, I’ve always been a woman. And yet, by these new metrics, I fear that I might be failing.

Maybe because I cuss a little too much sometimes. I haven’t made my hair since December, 2024. I don’t wake up at 5 a.m. to do Pilates. I have never had to fix my lashes (have you met me? I’m blind as hell). I don’t whisper when I speak. My voice is loud on most days. My life isn’t aesthetically pleasing in shades of beige and white. I don’t giggle and tilt my head when men talk. I simply do not curate my existence to exude some feminine energy.

Yet, here I am—same as always—a woman. But apparently, that doesn’t quite cut it anymore.

Now, this is the part where I just ask that we’re at least, honest. The entirety of this performance isn’t really about softness. It’s about desirability. That’s the part nobody wants to say out loud. It’s not about whether you, in your heart, feel soft and divine (what does this also even mean lmao). It’s about whether you look the part. Whether you can package yourself into something gentle, effortless, and digestible. Whether you can be beautiful without being difficult. Powerful without being intimidating. Seen without being too seen. And that’s not cute.

I just have to tell you—if you ever catch yourself wondering if you’re doing “femininity” wrong, relax. There’s nothing to fix. Some days, you’re soft. Some days, you’re not. Some days, you’re gentle and delicate and receptive. Other days, you’re sharp, direct, and unbothered. Some days, you put effort into looking good. Other days, you’re barefaced, exhausted, dragging yourself through life with nothing but sheer will.

And at no point do you stop being a woman. So, breathe. And speak loudly dfkm 😭