How I Stopped Being Toxic

Letting go of the habits that held me back

Photo by Dessidre Fleming on Unsplash

Believe it or not, we all have toxic tendencies — just in different ways and to different degrees.

We have all been that toxic friend, that toxic ex, that toxic parent, etc. And if nothing else, we have been toxic to ourselves at various points in life.

Over the last few months, I let go of three of my toxic traits — making my life happier, calmer and a bit less stressful.

Toxic trait #1: Judging and criticising myself

I constantly judge myself — my thoughts, my actions, what I say, what I could have said, what I should have said.

The list is endless.

Even before the world could point out my failures, I would be the first in line not only to focus on my frailties but also to amplify them and broadcast them to everyone.

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And then life taught me that there is nothing more stressful than being hard on myself.

Life is hard enough; I don’t need the faceless voice in my mind to constantly micromanage my moves and every syllable I utter.

Now, that voice inside my head lies dormant. It hasn’t vanished; perhaps it never will.

But my conscious mind has made peace with it. It can stay there inactive as long as it doesn’t judge me or my perceptions.

Toxic trait #2: Worshipping people

I didn’t see people as they were. I looked at them through rose-tinted glasses.

I saw the fantasy version while the reality screamed in front of me.

I saw the version that could have been, instead of the version that existed.

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Today, I know that no matter how much I love a person, he or she is not God. They all have their own quirks and idiosyncrasies.

I no longer go beyond my limit to smooth the rough edges of their personalities or to repair what isn’t mine to fix.

I just let them be as they are.

And just continue to love them.

Toxic trait #3: Over-explaining

Three missed calls — from home.

Double texts from that special someone — left on read.

Invite for Friday night party after work — turned down at the last moment.

I went on explaining, arguing, justifying . . . until I stopped.

Tired and irritated.

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We are all trying to stay afloat in the whirlpool called life. A missed text, an unreturned missed call cannot define me anymore.

I no longer send huge chunks of explanatory text. I have switched off that panic mode.

I might not always appear as a constant notification on your phone.

But I’ll keep you in my prayers where it matters the most.

Thanks to Suma Narayan for sharing this prompt that allowed self-reflection:

July 4: A toxic habit, person, or place that you became independent of. How do you celebrate the freedom?

Follow the challenged and share your thoughts with the world.

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