The Aftermath

After stepping away from writing for a while, I thought it was finally time to dust the keyboard off and get back into it.

The truth is I had to focus on my health. Late last year I suffered a serious neck injury which eventually required major surgery. Recovery has been a long road, but I am now over six months post operation and slowly starting to feel like myself again. There is still a way to go, but mentally I finally feel sharp enough to start writing again and getting involved with local coverage.

Which brings me to the Colchester local elections earlier this month, where I was covering the count with Actual Radio.

Before I go completely off script, it is worth saying that the actual organisation and professionalism on the night was excellent. Everyone involved in running the event was polite, calm and professional under pressure. Considering how tense politics can become these days, the atmosphere behind the scenes was surprisingly respectful.

Ok... record scratch.

What am I thinking?

This isn’t me.

Let me tell you what I really think.

Lib Dems

The most obvious thing that stands out is that I completely agree with Dave King. The Lib Dems need a new leader. That may be difficult for some people to hear, but if the party dropped the utterly exhausting obsession with the EU, they would probably become the biggest party in Britain and potentially the next government. The middle ground in British politics is standing there completely unattended while everyone else cosplays either Gammon or Hippie.

The Lib Dems themselves did not exactly have the greatest night overall. Martin Goss was helicoptering around the count looking permanently busy. I did note however that despite all the movement, not a single piece of litter was picked up during the evening. Important observations from the frontline of democracy.

That said, Mark Cory was on top form and Wivenhoe held firm.

Labour

Labour meanwhile continue to suffer from having a leader with all the charisma of a delayed rail replacement service announcement. Keir Starmer remains so painfully out of touch that I fully expect him to ban tea bags and lager over 2% next in the name of public wellbeing.

To be fair though, some of the Labour teams took a fair bit of abuse on the doorstep which was not deserved. Most of the local candidates and volunteers were decent people simply trying to do the job.

I genuinely felt for the councillor from Greenstead as well. She came across very well and seemed genuinely nice.

The problem for Labour is that the replacement options are hardly inspiring either. The current shortlist appears to be a vaping tax dodger, “Body Bags” Burnham returning from the ministerial graveyard, or Peter Mandelson II: Revenge of the Europhiles.

Then there are the Greens.

Their latest bright ideas appear to involve weakening Prevent and drifting into fantasy economics where fiscal responsibility becomes an optional extra. Watching some Green policy discussions is a bit like giving an eight year old ten pounds and sending them unsupervised into a sweet shop.

On the night itself they mostly succeeded in splitting the Labour vote without actually breaking through in many places. Which may have been fortunate because several of the candidates looked young enough to still be revising for their A Levels. Also, roads do not block themselves, do they?

The Conservatives were next.

I once met Kemi Badenoch at an A120 widening meeting. There was a buffet, so naturally I attended. I live a glamorous life.

In person she actually came across fairly well. Slightly boring perhaps, but competent. Which is probably why much of the media ignores her. Quiet competence does not generate headlines for the permanently wine soaked Westminster commentariat.

On the night locally the Conservatives performed about as expected. Not great. I ended up with a new councillor, Mr Linghorn-Baker, although as we were leaving the Sportspark, old Maserati Dave cut me off in traffic which has probably ruined any chance of securing my vote in future.

Still, we already have Sue Lissimore, so the other two are basically spare parts anyway.

Then finally we arrive at the sheer gammonation of Reform UK.

Honestly, you could not have asked for a more unprepared or inarticulate collection of candidates if somebody had travelled back to Canary Wharf in the 1980s with a transit van and rounded up the biggest gaggle of b**ds outside a wine bar.

A lot of Reform’s success appears to be fuelled less by coherent policy and more by pure public exhaustion with everybody else.

The Essex County Council elections followed the next day, although I was not involved in covering those. Reform made substantial gains and a lot of candidates got elected. Time will tell how many are actually prepared for public office beyond shouting “common sense” at Facebook posts.

Overall though, it was a bruising and oddly rushed election cycle. A lot of candidates were thrown into campaigns at short notice and many ordinary people juggling jobs, families and actual lives probably felt badly let down by the process and timing.

Still, after months away recovering, it was strangely good to be back amongst the chaos again.

Even if British politics increasingly resembles a group project where nobody has read the brief.