The Second Half

April 26th was a brisk beautiful day in Maine. It was the kind of day that you throw on a light jacket and sunglasses. Jack and I headed to the iconic Portland Headlight to mark the end of one journey and the start of a new one.

Jack and Me at Portland Headlight in Cape Elizabeth, Maine on April 26, 2024

That wasn’t a day for reflection. It was a day to begin letting go.

As I write, it’s December. I’m thinking of the upcoming new year. Christmas Day and the first day of Hannukah are 15 days away. With the exception of a few gifts, all of my holiday shopping is (for the first time ever) complete. I woke up to see our first genuine (meaning: more than a dusting) snow of the season.

12/10/2024 Gorham, Maine. Our backyard and the lane that leads to our neighbor’s home.

In contrast to that sunny April day, today feels like a good day to reflect.

Facing Fears and Insecurity

It finally happened. The second week in November, I found myself at peace. Suddenly, I wasn’t feeling rudderless. If you’ve been reading my posts for the last few months, I’ve struggled to “Embrace the wonk.”

In the first week of November, I declared to all my decision to leave behind my career in education. While I was afraid to make my feelings public, the response from family, friends, and colleagues was supportive and reassuring. Overtly, folks mentioned they could relate to my manifesto. Privately, emails and messages flooded my inbox to congratulate me for my honesty and ask me to take even bolder steps “for the greater good.”

I’ve always dreamed of being a “creator.” In elementary school I answered the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” with a perky, “An artist!” In high school I’d say, “A graphic designer or a chef.” And then, life happened and neither dream came to pass.

Well, hasn’t the point of this sabbatical been to reflect, review, rethink, and… reinvent?

Days after my declaration of leaving education, I put my “be brave pants” on. I grabbed a sample of my ceramics and walked into an art gallery. With Jack in tow to carry my boxes and to cheer me on, I introduced myself to the owner and told her my story. One by one, I took bowls and luminaries out of wrapped newspaper. I placed each on the counter.

She liked my work. She pointed out aspects of my simple shapes and colors that I hadn’t appreciated. (I am my own harshest critic.) She offered me a contract to sell my pieces. As I completed the paperwork, a woman grabbed one of my luminaries off of the counter and purchased it on the spot.

GASP!

A few days later, I approached another shop. They agreed to sell my work too. The business manager and the owner of this shop each purchased several of my pieces for their personal use.

Double GASP!

My holiday display at Full Circle Artisans Gallery in Cornish, Maine

On the drive home from setting up my work in the gallery, I made a declaration to Jack. “I know what I want to do. I want to help people like me. I want to help people who have always wanted to create but haven’t. To create, one needs a place to think, to experiment, to try materials, to make, to break, the fail, to succeed, to feel safe in their skin and their dreams.”

Without skipping a beat, he said, “Great! Do it!”

Planning to Plan

Once you say something out loud, it becomes real, doesn’t it?

I feel centered now that I have a goal to work towards. I feel free to carry out a plan that has been buried so deep inside me for more than 40 years that it can no longer be suppressed.

I have lots of work ahead of me. There is research to do. There’s business planning to carry out. There are many unknowns to come to know.

“Be Elsa”

Jack and I have a running joke. We both {read: he} can tend to dwell on a topic. A conversation can be repeated over and over again. Repeated to anyone, or nobody in particular, on loop.

When this happens, one of us {read: me} will exclaim, “Hey! Stop! Hush! Enough! Be Elsa!”

What?

“LET IT GO!”

Words of wisdom from the mouth of Disney.

It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small And the fears that once controlled me can’t get to me at all It’s time to see what I can do To test the limits and break through No right, no wrong, no rules for me I’m free

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More to come…