More Than Hunger

image from pinterest

Recently, I was reading about mosquitoes. Do they feel? Does it hurt when they are given an electric shock? Google said they cannot feel complex emotions like guilt or curiosity.

And it just stuck with me.

Wow.

To wake up and only feel hunger, and not, “How could I have made yesterday better?”

That made me think about how, on some days, when we do not know exactly what is wrong or why something feels off within us, it is because of the complexity of emotions we carry. It is an articulation of how much is going on inside us. Conversations that did not go well, things left unsaid, opportunities missed, boredom, wanting to quit, wanting to begin again, and so on.

It is never just one emotion that we feel.

All the thoughts running at a mile a minute make us feel so much more — curiosity, guilt, embarrassment, sorrow, pity, excitement. It makes us human. It makes living count.

And yet, we cannot always translate what is happening inside us. That inability turns into confusion and uncertainty. Sometimes, it even drives us toward blasphemy, against ourselves.

I constantly feel this urge to make it all stop. I resist feeling anything I cannot control because it changes me. It makes me act unlike myself.

Perhaps, confusion is the price for feeling more than just hunger.