THE MOODY MAVEN

Hey, Mister — Funny or Not Funny — I Am Still a Girl

So see, I can take a joke, even laugh, and still think about what’s really funny

He could have just accepted my fucking “Whoopsie!” and moved along. Photo by Shane Cottle on Unsplash

I have to start this tale with a measure of some embarrassment. What we can freely do inside our own homes, we should be able to do without issue, but by talking about it here, I might as well have done it right in the middle of the produce section.

But here it is — We were sitting on the couch, and I pooted in front of my husband.

Not a big deal, right? Like I said, we can do things in our own houses that we shouldn’t let happen at the grocery store. But I was in the comfort and privacy of my own home with my guy, whom I trust more than anything.

And what did he do? He up and says, “Wow! Not very feminine, honey!”

I know it was a joke. He was teasing me. But you know what? Girls fart. We have been farting for a long time — like, for millions of years long.

So I would say with all that backstory and tradition, well, there should be no conflict here.

Even with the more than millions of years of fucking digestion history, I’m not sure why it remains so embarrassing to fart, given it’s a natural thing in every way. But while normally I might follow up with a “Whoopsie!” and forget about it, his “Wow! Not very feminine, honey!” just got me to planning a little revenge.

Initially, I thought that if I wanted to get him back, I could just bide my time for him to get his comeuppance. When next he farts in front of me, and he will fart, I get the opportunity to say: “Wow! Not very masculine, honey!”

Admittedly, I feel funny lying in wait like this to get him back for a dumb, throwaway joke. As much as I would wish my retort had been a spontaneous quip, I will have to remain locked and loaded, without allowing the slightest bit of self-recrimination to creep in.

Though I have to wonder, will it carry the same weight? Because let’s face it, men can be gross. Yes, even mine.

And that’s why his saying “Not very feminine” to me works, while me saying “Not very masculine” would just leave him trying to figure out what I was referring to.

And at the end of the day, that might make things even worse.