The Unfaithful Person’s Phrasebook: 8 Things Cheaters Always Say

The moment you hear these words come out of their mouth, you’ll know it’s over.

Photo by Brock Wegner on Unsplash

If you suspect the person you are dating or are married to is being dishonest and possibly has someone waiting in the wings, look out for these phrases and behaviors.

1. “It Didn’t Mean Anything”

This is the classic line they use right after you catch them in a short fling or a one-night stand. They try to calm you down by claiming the act itself had no real emotional significance.

The Problem: It doesn’t matter how they rationalize the infidelity to themselves. It matters that they betrayed your trust in the relationship that was supposed to be just between the two of you.

The Warning: When a cheater tries to push it under the rug by saying “it didn’t mean anything,” they are acting like it’s okay to have fleeting relationships outside your union. It absolutely meant something — it meant they did not consider your feelings before acting.

2. They Always Have Excuses for Being Away

A cheater will suddenly have spur-of-the-moment trips, which are often blamed on corporate retreats or mandatory “office hangouts.” A friend you’ve never heard of might pop up out of the blue, requiring their full attention.

The Pattern: If this happens sometimes, fine. But if you see a pattern — for instance, they are always unavailable every Friday night — you need to look deeper.

The Question: Why can they never give a clear reason for why they can’t be at a function, or why can’t they ever take you along? You need to do your homework and find out what they don’t want you to see.

3. They Overuse the “Friendship Card”

People who cheat frequently use the word “friend” to describe inappropriate relationships. You will hear things like, “Oh, this person’s just a friend” or “It’s an old friend I made.”

The Strategy: Declaring the relationship as “platonic” is an easy way to get you to calm down and not make a fuss when they are constantly on the phone or hanging out with this person too much. Deep down, they know the relationship is much deeper than a casual friendship.

4. They Gaslight You

Cheaters will try to manipulate you by twisting your sense of reality, which is called gaslighting.

How it Works: They will do something dishonest, then deny it ever happened, or try to convince you that you are mentally unfit or too sensitive.

The Goal: The cheater’s goal is to make you feel insecure and make you stop questioning them or looking for answers to your concerns. Be smart — you can spot a gaslighter miles away.

5. They Shift the Blame to You

When caught cheating, their first move is often to tell you it was your fault. They might claim they cheated because you weren’t providing a certain need they had.

The Reality: They are always quick to make you feel like you are the reason for their bad behavior. You cannot control another adult person. Cheating is a matter of decision-making. They took the wrong decision and sought out an outside option; they cannot put that fault on your doorstep.

6. They Deny Fault Unless Caught Red-Handed

The first reaction of most cheaters is to deny all accusations. For some, the rule is if you aren’t caught in the act with clear evidence, you can deny it forever.

Playing Semantics: Cheaters love to play with words. If you say, “I caught you cheating,” they will argue, “I’m not having sex with anybody.”

The Full Picture: Cheating means more than just physical sex. It includes emotional cheating — fantasizing about someone, sending sexually suggestive messages, or developing feelings that make your partner uncomfortable. If you are illegally investing your emotions elsewhere apart from your committed partner, it is cheating.

7. They Blame Technology

Cheaters use technology limitations as an excuse for their inaccessibility.

The Lies: They will claim their phone is always off, their battery died, they had no data, or their messages never deliver at certain times. They’ll come up with ridiculous reasons.

The Truth: It is not a coincidence that their battery always dies every Friday at 11 PM or they run out of data every Sunday afternoon. They use these “technological limitations” to create space for their infidelity. Don’t fall for this hogwash.

Social Media: They often use platforms like Snapchat, where messages disappear in seconds, leaving no trace for you to ever catch them.

8. They Question Monogamy

If you never discussed issues with monogamy when you first met, and they suddenly start questioning whether humans are “even meant to be monogamous,” this is a huge giveaway.

The Strategy: This is all about laying the groundwork for an excuse. If they get caught later, they can say they were already toying with such ideas and need to be pardoned.

If you are dealing with someone who uses these behaviors, your time with them is up. They are someone who can’t seem to commit.

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