i befriended the sky

I used to be a really shy kid, and by really I do mean reaaaaaaaaaaaaallllyyy..

I liked being alone in my own world, where i didn’t have to answer weird awkward questions which humans ask.. like why do you want to know “What is your name?”.. I mean the name wasn’t even my choice.

I always used to wonder why do humans even make friends at all? and why do they make friends who can speak.. cuz that means you would have to listen to them.. And its not like I didn’t have friends I did trullyy.. they were my best friends forever… the clouds and the trees..

I loved them, they were constant in my life, they were always there with me even when we had to move cities due to my father’s transferrable job. All those humans who made me friends had to let me go and I had to let them go too.. always..

The worst part, the more we moved cities the more I withdrew, my parents didn’t knew about this, I hated making new friends when ultimately i would have to leave them..

And slowly I adopted the identity of being the most introverted introvert.

I resorted to hobbies that didn’t require mingling with other humans, like writing, drawing, sketching anything at all that kept me busy, because ultimately I am a human and human is a social animal.

This introverted personality has caused me more troubles than good: I knew the answer but didn’t raise my hand in the class, didn’t approach anyone first scared of their reaction, didn’t ask my doubts and questions.

And now when I am finally in college and i am slowly starting to open up create my new personality, I somehow, still can’t get rid of my shy introverted self. and I ABSOLUTELLY HATE IT.

I am jealous of my friends who can easily network, talk to absolutely strangers, don’t hesitate asking for opportunities, I am angry at myself, why can’t I take a stand for myself, why do my voice shakes when I do so?

But still I do try, I am trying slowly at each step, extroverts won’t get it how tough it is for me, but they are right too:-

The world won’t end if I speak up my opinion.

most people won’t kill me if I approach them first.

The worst people can do is reject me for the opportunity I asked for

…… and so many more

And thus I try , I try each day and I will keep on trying for my future self.

— — xoxo — —

love, Saanvi