If We Actually Valued Life, Adoption Wouldn’t Be This Hard

What the Facts

Let’s start with the obvious: There are families desperate to adopt. There are parents desperate for options. And somehow the system has decided the best solution is… to make everyone suffer. We are currently going with force kids to have kids, but don’t provide any resources for them — and make it very difficult for couples to adopt.

Because nothing says “we value life” like a bureaucratic obstacle course designed by someone who clearly lost a bet.

The Hopeful Parents (aka: My Oldest and His Husband, Saints in Human Form)

My oldest and his husband have officially begun the adoption journey — which is a lot like planning a joyful, meaningful, life-changing event… if that event were also wrapped in red tape, priced like a luxury SUV, and required you to prove you’re not secretly a raccoon in a trench coat.

They are ready. They are stable. They are loving. They have a support system that could rival a Hallmark movie.

And yet the process treats them like they’re applying for a top-secret clearance to adopt a baby who knows nuclear codes.

The Extended Family: Ready, Willing, and Already Buying Baby Clothes

I’ve already pulled out all the baby quilts I made for my children. Let me paint the picture.

This child — whoever they are, wherever they are — already has:

• Grandparents who will spoil them rotten
• Aunts and uncles who will fight over babysitting shifts
• A grandma who will knit, bake, and brag
• A great-grandma who will help and brag to everyone
• A dog that is ready and waiting to help and protect
• A family group chat that will explode the moment the adoption is finalized

We are not just “open to adoption.” We are standing at the door with snacks, a blanket, and a welcome sign the size of a billboard.

And yet the system seems to say: “Hmm. But have you filled out Form 87-B Subsection 12 proving you know how to operate a car seat while blindfolded?”

The Bureaucratic Maze: Sponsored by Caffeine and Tears

Adoption is expensive. Adoption is slow. Adoption is emotionally draining in ways that should qualify families for hazard pay.

And the wildest part? The same people shouting “Just choose adoption!” are nowhere to be found when you ask:

• Why does it cost more to adopt a child than to buy a new car?
• Why does it take longer to adopt than it does to earn a college degree?
• Why are families treated like suspects instead of lifelines?

It’s almost like the rhetoric and the reality have never met.

The Policy Questions No One Seems to Want to Answer

If we actually valued life — not just in slogans, not just in election years, not just on bumper stickers — then we’d be asking:

• Why not offer real benefits for carrying to term? If we can subsidize corn, we can subsidize prenatal care.
• Why not support birth parents financially, medically, and emotionally? “Choose life” shouldn’t come with a side of poverty.
• Why not streamline adoption so children find homes faster? If Amazon can get a package to my house in 24 hours, surely we can place a child in less than 24 months.

But instead, we get a system that seems designed by someone who has never met an actual child, an actual parent, or an actual human being.

The Disconnect: A National Pastime

We love to say “choose adoption.” We love to moralize about “valuing life.” We love to pretend the system is noble and compassionate.

But when real families step up — families like mine — they’re met with:

• Endless paperwork
• Crushing costs
• Delays that defy physics
• And a process so opaque it might as well be written in ancient runes

If this is how we treat people trying to help, imagine how we treat the ones who need help.

The Heart of It

My oldest and his husband want to adopt because they believe in love, stability, and giving a child a home where they will be cherished. (Honestly they are nervous about being parents, everyone is… even while parenting is in process — and it’s a lifetime thing)

They’re not alone. There are thousands of families like them. There are thousands of children who need them.

And yet the system keeps acting like the real threat is… families who want to love a child too much.

What the facts, indeed.

Call to Action

If you’ve adopted, fostered, placed a child, or navigated this labyrinth from any angle — I want to hear from you.

Share your stories. Share your frustrations. Share your victories. Share the moments that broke you and the moments that made it worth it.

Because the more we talk about what adoption actually looks like, the harder it becomes for policymakers to pretend everything is fine.

And maybe — just maybe — we can build a world where valuing life means supporting the people living it.

And please if you have suggestions, share. We are ready.