Almost And Not Enough

A poem about attachment, boundaries, and choosing yourself.

I feel the pull and push inside my chest, Unease and nostalgia— No rest, no rest.

Anxious hands that reach for you at night, Then pull away When I know it isn’t right.

We crossed a line Where the classroom walls hold quiet, A moment that made my heart Both loud and silent.

You wanted more. I said, “Not like that.” And now I’m left with the weight of “Almost” and “that’s that.”

I want to be close, And yet I want to run. My thoughts keep circling back To only one.

You said “sex mates,” And my heart heard “use.” So I stand in the middle, Unsure what to choose.

When you’re in school, I wait for you to call. When you don’t reply, It feels like breaking all.

Checking, checking, Hoping for a sign, Hurting when I see That you’re not mine.

I want to stop. I want my peace again. To close this chapter With a steady pen.

To want myself More than the almost we had. To choose the boundary That keeps me from feeling bad.

I’m trying to leave, Though it feels impossible. But even hard things Start to feel possible When you choose you.