The Fear of Love

“Thappad se darr nahi lagta saahab. Pyaar se lagta hai.”

Around 15 years ago, this dialogue from the movie Dabangg, became very famous.

To me, when I first heard it, I could not really understand it. But the paradox of it, felt intriguing and therefore exciting.

Many people interpreted the dialogues as — Love hurts deeper and longer, while a thappad’s pain is temporary.

And yes that is true too.

But it is only now, that I understood the real deep philosophical meaning behind this dialogue.

Thappad, a metaphor used for anger, is raw, unfiltered emotion. When someone is angry, there is hardly any pretence in their anger. We can easily absorb that emotion.

But Love? It is layered.

Love carries hope, fear, longing, insecurity, attachment, expectation, and sometimes manipulation — all mixed invisibly.

A slap is physical and momentary. Love rearranges your inner world.

Anger attacks your body or ego. Love enters your identity.

When someone is angry at you, they are separate from you. When someone loves you, they gain access to your vulnerability.

That is the deeper fear.

And in today’s time, it is even more complex.

One cannot really understand whether the other person truly loves us or is simply pretending to love us. Whether there is any selfish interest in their love for us.

History is witness to deceit wrapped as love.

But anger? It is never deceitful.

That’s why, “Thappad se darr nahi lagta saahab. Pyaar se lagta hai.”