A Real-Life Unsolved Mystery: Where Do Missing Socks Go?

Sadly, many go unfound.

Cartoon by Lambert-King

Much is made of the thousands, or perhaps millions of socks that disappear each year. What becomes of them? Who knows? Maybe they escape through a dryer hose. Maybe they use their power of static cling to hold on to other items of clothing and then drop off at an opportune time and make a break for it. Where do they go? Are they fleeing to Canada for better health care and a more peaceful way of life? Who knows? Escaped socks seem to have a Bigfoot-like ability to evade detection. Rather than concentrate on the socks that run out, maybe it’s time we concentrate on the ones left behind.

When a sock leaves its partner, it puts that partner in a precarious situation. What becomes of the one left behind? Most options aren’t pretty. Chances are that they will just be thrown away. Some more fortunate ones may enjoy a short career as a cleaning rag. There are perhaps, other options, some so vile I don’t want to even consider them.

What can be done to alleviate this problem? One thing I do to ensure socks remain a pair as long as possible is to change the feet I wear them on. How can I tell which sock a foot has been on? Sometimes the toenail on my big toe will wear a hole in a sock. When that happens I put it on the other foot. That way the hole is over a little toe instead of a big one. It adds longevity to the pair. Hey, it may sound cheap, but I’m all for keeping a couple together.

One fashion trend that might help is the idea of wearing mismatched socks. It seems that young girls especially are adopting a bi-socksual lifestyle. While it might not be the same long-term monogamous relationship pairs of socks in years gone by have enjoyed it could lead to fewer socks being discarded. While a polygamous fashion arrangement may work for some socks, I’m not sure it would work for just any two socks.

While the world seems to be accepting of young girls wearing mismatched socks, I’m not sure society is ready for businessmen to wear, say one white sock and one black sock. Society still seems to have some taboos when it comes to color.

I’m contemplating doing more for socks without partners. I have about 25 mismatched socks, all white. I’m not sure how that happened, but rather than chuck them all, I may try to start wearing white socks that almost match. I’m an old guy, I can probably get away with it.

We need to address this problem. Otherwise, we’ll probably be forced to watch more sad scenes like the one in the above cartoon, or worse.