Healing is hard, especially if there’s a constant battle between your past and present self

Making decisions isn’t always about choosing between what others want and what you want. Sometimes, it’s hard because there’s a constant battle between what your present want and what your past selves want.

Your inner adult who’s already tired of the chaos you’ve been through from the past years and now craves peace and the kind of forgiveness that frees you — forgiveness for those people who did you wrong from the past, and yourself, for not being able to leave the cage that’s been holding you for so long. You try to choose peace and forgiveness because you believe everyone deserves understanding and change.

But sometimes, you wonder, “Is it really your adult self-making that choice, or is it your inner child, the part of you that just wants to stay on good terms with everyone?”

The inner child who’s scared of making others mad, scared of being talked about, who constantly pleases people just to be treated kindly, even if it means sacrificing what she wants. She chooses peace for the sake of others’ well-being, even at the cost of her own needs being ignored.

But there’s also the inner teen. The angry, irritated, and fed-up one. And you understand her too, because her feelings are valid. She wants justice. She knows not everyone you forgive will do the same for you. Not everyone you treat well treats you the same. She’s angry because you often give others what they want, but not what you want.

It’s hard to find peace with others when you don’t have peace within yourself.

Healing is difficult because it’s a constant battle between your inner child, inner teen, and inner adult.

Now, you feel stuck. You don’t know the first step to take, because your mind is clouded by these conflicting inner voices. Deep down, you know the right decision, but you just don’t know how to choose it without invalidating the other parts of you.

“Choose what’s right — what brings you peace — but do it without abandoning the parts of you that are still hurting. Honor your inner battles. Be gentle with yourself.”