84 year sentence

CW: dark, discusses self-harm/mortality

Haven’t you learned by now, girl. Be quiet. There is no home for you. No safety. No unfurling love. You’ll have loyalty, sure. But don’t expect anything more.

They’ll stay. But only if you’re good. Only if you’re quiet. Stay pretty. Stay still. But not too still. Don’t be LAZY.

GET UP. GO OUT! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS CRYING!?

You’re so mean. You’re too hard. You’re smart and pretty. It’s a crime to be both. And good too? A big heart?

We hate her. Kill her. Be her. Kick her. Kick her. Kick her.

Why does she continue to stand….. Just leave her then. Just leave her…she’s bleeding…she won’t die. Just leave her.

She looks perfect but only from far away. She’s vile. We have to catch her! We have to TELL EVERYONE.

Just stop. They don’t want your opnion, girl. Just agree. Nod your head. Close your pretty mouth. You look better angry. You should smile. Be polite. Be NICE.

Hey…. Shhhh. Curl up. Don’t breathe. You’ll be alone, soon. When will the clock hit 7.

Alone…you’re safe. Only for a while now… Hurry up…clean clean…make it look like you were never here. Nothing out of place. She won’t like it. Don’t be loud. Be happy. Be ready. Be there. Be whatever they need. AND KNOW WHAT IT IS. HURRY! They’re coming.

My heart races. Be good. Be nice. Be agreeable. Be small.

And remember. Always always remember.

They’re right. You’re wrong. They’re big. You’re small….. They’re taking care of YOU. Without them….who would you. be?

Yourself? Ha. Safe? Please. Soft? ….soft?

……soft. what’s that like?

Here…..you just survive. Stay small. And survive.

They will trap you. train you. teach you. and then…. blame you.

So just stay small. Just survive. Halfway to 84…almost…close enough.