The Courage to Stay Neutral

Finding your own rhythm instead of forcing yourself to fit in

Photo made by the author using Canva.

There are times when trying to fit into a place makes us tired.

“I have to speak properly.” “I have to behave well.” “I have to enter this atmosphere.” “I have to adjust to everyone around me.”

The more we think like that, the more our body becomes tense.

What we really want is simply to be natural.

Do you ever feel that way?

Yesterday, I went to a business networking event.

Since last year, I have been trying to attend these kinds of events from time to time.

A networking event is, in a simple sense, a place to let people know who you are. A place to find people who may become partners. A place to create a small opening for something new.

I understand why that matters.

But to be honest, I am not very good at those places.

Some events use real names. Others use online handles or nicknames.

At events where people use their real names, I sometimes find it hard to meet someone I truly want to connect with.

Of course, there are kind people. There are sincere people. There are people working hard on their own projects.

But it does not always become the kind of meeting where something deep inside me naturally responds.

On the other hand, events where people use online names have a different kind of difficulty.

I feel like I have to enter that world. I feel like I have to adjust to the tone of that space. I feel like I have to speak in the language of that community.

It is not that either type of event is bad.

It is just that my body becomes a little stiff.

WabiSabiLifeDesign is where I write about living more gently through the senses, rhythm, and the quiet wisdom of imperfection.

If this story resonates with you, I would be happy if you followed or liked this piece.

When I go to a networking event, I often become what we might call a “wallflower.”

At first, I cannot really talk to anyone. I stand near the edge of the room and quietly observe the space.

Then I look for someone who also seems to be alone, and I start talking to that person.

There is nothing wrong with that.

But when I look closely, I notice something inside me.

I am trying hard to “network.”

Even at events with online handles, I notice the same thing.

“I have to enter this world.” “I have to use the words people use here.” “I have to become someone who fits this place.”

But I do not want to do that anymore.

The invisible pressure I want to question today is this:

The idea that people who can adjust well to every space are the ones who connect well with others.

At a networking event, you should act like someone who networks. In a business setting, you should act like a business person. In a community, you should act like a member of that community. When you publish something, you should act like a creator.

But when we focus too much on fitting in, we begin to lose our own rhythm.

Is that really what it means to connect with people?

These days, I feel differently.

Being yourself does not mean making a loud statement.

It does not mean forcing yourself to stand out. It does not mean trying to look special. It does not mean breaking the atmosphere of the room.

Maybe it simply means staying neutral.

Relaxing your shoulders. Standing calmly. Being honest with yourself. And when you truly want to speak with someone, taking one step toward them.

I think that may be enough.

Dance is the same.

When music starts, if we try too hard to match everyone around us, the body becomes stiff.

“I have to dance well.” “I must not lose the rhythm.” “I have to look good.” “I have to move in a way that fits this place.”

The moment we think like that, our own sound becomes smaller.

But when a good sound comes out, the body is usually relaxed.

You feel the floor. You listen to the other person’s sound. But you do not lose your own rhythm.

When we are neutral, the body responds best.

Maybe relationships are the same.

We do not have to force ourselves into every circle. We do not have to become friends with everyone. We do not have to create results on the spot.

If there is someone we truly want to meet, we can go meet them. If there is someone we want to speak with, we can take the first step. If there is someone we want to build a relationship with, we can take time to do that.

That can be my way.

Being yourself does not mean doing nothing.

It means not forcing yourself to dance in a place where your body becomes stiff.

And it also means taking one real step toward the person or place where your own sound begins to appear.

There is one small thing you can do today.

When you enter a place and feel the urge to adjust immediately, ask yourself:

“Is my body becoming tense right now?” “Who do I truly want to speak with?” “Am I trying to fit in so much that I am losing my own sound?”

Connection is not about numbers.

It is about meeting people through your own rhythm. It is about relating to others through your own sound. It is about connecting with the people you truly need to connect with.

That is enough.

It is okay if networking events are difficult for you. It is okay if you are not good at fitting into a group. It is okay if there are moments when you do not know what to say.

Be honest with yourself. Relax a little. Stay neutral.

And when the moment feels right, make one sound.

That may be my way of connecting with people.

If this story made you feel,

“I want to feel my own rhythm through my body,” or “I want to make my own sound, even just a little,”

I have created a 38-day online tap dance lesson series as a note magazine.

Even if you are completely new to tap dance, the lessons begin with making simple sounds with your feet and gradually help you feel your own rhythm.

If you are curious, please feel free to take a look.

38-Day Online Tap Dance Lessons

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WabiSabiLifeDesign is where I write about living more gently through the senses, rhythm, and the quiet wisdom of imperfection.

If this story resonated with you, I would be happy if you followed or liked this piece.

Let’s talk here again.