[W/HOM] Tony Bontana — My Name

My name, hometown, and existence were not chosen, but given to me. This rap is a deep reflection on the profound meanings they have gifted to my life.

Genius

[embed]Hausofmatters 팀 KHL은 블랙뮤직을 사랑하는 장르팬들이 모여 결성한 매거진 팀입니다. 음악에 대한 애정을 바탕으로 앨범 소개, 리뷰, 인터뷰, 칼럼 등 다양한 형식의 글을 통해 아티스트와 앨범, 그리고 그 음악이 담고 있는…hausofmatters.com

The original source is on page 14 of issue 33.

(This article was written based on a PC.)

[embed]King’s Heath

A cathedral standing tall in the center of a lush green garden, surrounded by layers of red-brick houses — to me, Birmingham is undeniably charming. Yet, the British don’t seem to share this sentiment. To call Birmingham as beautiful as heaven is treated as a meme. When I asked a chatbot why this is the case, it replied that it’s like saying Daejeon is more fun than Everland. But could it not actually be fun? While Daejeon isn’t my hometown, it is a place filled with so many of my own memories that it feels incredibly familiar. Then again, in a world that enjoys the game of framing places as ‘boring,’ what good would it do to protest with mere personal sentiment?

[embed]Tony Bontana

Of course, the popularity or public image of a city is irrelevant here. What matters is how the rugged landscape and the mundane experiences of a place provide personal significance and shape one’s identity. Birmingham clearly holds that kind of meaning for Tony Bontana. There is no need to compare how ‘battered chips’ differ from American fries, nor does it matter if they aren’t to our taste or aren’t considered a ‘representative’ local delicacy. All that matters is that we acknowledge it as his comfort food — a piece of his daily life that he uses to define who he is.

In short, the uniqueness and significance of an existence are determined not by properties, but by context. We have been defined by contexts we could never have created ourselves. Of course, the agent who accepts these contexts is ultimately oneself; in some cases, my own choices and actions may forge new contexts or assign meaning to them, conceptualizing them in the process. However, the process and experiences that lead to those choices — the foundations upon which we build our criteria — are not things we create. Paradoxically, this means that everything is not so much what I have chosen, but what has been chosen for me. You may decide to emigrate or change your name by your own will, but the causal chain leading up to that decision is simply something we are drawn into.

[embed]Tonoy Bontana

This is exactly what Izzi Richards speaks about regarding names in the narration of the intro that shares the album’s title. It is not entirely something I decided; it was given. The legacy and the weight that will accumulate around that name over time will be the same. The land we settle on, our names, their meanings, and the narratives that encompass them all — they are the same. It feels as though I am the one assigning meaning, but in truth, that meaning approaches my consciousness; inspiration finds me; I may be the writer, but the fragments of the story simply gather in my dialogue box. Ultimately, 『My Name』 is not a record completed by him, but a ‘record completed for him by fragments.’ And if you feel sadness from these stories, while it may be you who reacts and expresses it, that emotion — to use the distinction — is not ‘heartbreaking,’ but ‘heartbroken.’

[embed]tonybontana.bandcamp

Conversely, ‘Grief’ is an irresistible force — a massive vortex that suddenly descends upon me, rendering it ‘heartbreaking.’ It is never a matter of my own will. Through his previous work, 『L’Humanite』, his attempt to honor his mother and find the strength to move forward was a decision he reached through agonizing struggle. Yet, it was destiny that took his mother; who in this world would ever choose to let their mother go? Ultimately, he had no choice but to hole up in his home — his studio — and endure a period of wrestling with profound agony. He did so because he accepted the writing of music for her as his fate, but he did not orchestrate that sequence of events. We know all too well that life is a series of things we are powerless to control.

[embed]Tony Bontana

That is the essence of the narrative. 『*My Name』 and 『L’Humanite』 are, in the end, woven from the same themes: family, grief, home, memory, the mundane, and of course, his social consciousness regarding the war in Gaza, articulated through passionate rhetoric in Soft Dreams*. These, too, are but fragments — things that have accumulated within him. As he raps in John Osbourne, everyone grows old, loses loved ones, and eventually follows in their footsteps; in that sense, we all have similar stories to tell. Yet, it is that very ‘context’ surrounding us that ensures no two stories are ever truly identical. It is not that I labor to make my story unique because I want to be special. We have realized time and again, without needing to invoke the divine, that this is simply the way the world in which I am formed operates. Therefore, we can embrace the uniqueness of his work without needing to compare his accent to Thomas Shelby from 《Peaky Blinders》, or comparing the soul-sample loops he advocates as his ‘sprayed’ technique to the sounds of New York.

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(The original text is from my feature for Haus of Matters, a Korean webzine primarily covering hip hop and R&B, specifically within the international music team (w/HOM). My teammates’ writing and the magazine’s design are also exceptional. If you find my work intriguing, please check out the rest of the team as well. However, as this platform is a non-profit endeavor, I want to emphasize that it is separate from my individual pursuit of professional, full-time opportunities as a music columnist.-KMSNJUI)