Don’t Mind Me. Just Take My Voice. I Love Being Silenced — SquashedFrog

I have this thing, a thing that really, really sucks, people nicking my voice. It used to be only one person that did this, that I noticed anyway. But now there is a new one, the speaker for me, not on my behalf but about my story. As a storyteller, my lived experience is mine to talk about as I wish.

I don’t understand their reasoning and I don’t know if I care.

The Sister Blister, Forever a Pain In My Sole

It was a recentish thing with my sister. I would chat with her about my travels (read adventures), and in an icky kind of way, she needed to speak for me. Being the substitute for my voice. Like a megaphone for my life when another person, often family, asked how I was, she would loudly speak over me.

She would Talk my experiences to the asker of the information. Blinded to the silence of my voice I was forced to adopt as an option to smacking her across her audacious face. Over and over and over this entitled sibling, would speak when I was asked a question about my life.

A particular occasion of note was my grandmothers funeral. There were family members honouring the passing who I had not seen for many years (she had regular contact). We went to the pub. When we sat for a drink afterwards, I wasn’t allowed to talk, My sister just had to speak over me every time.

My family looked at me bewildered. Tried to talk to me directly. She would head them off every time, blocking me and my ability to tell my own story.

Voice Silencing Became a Pattern

I hadn’t been home for seven years. And I made the mistake of staying with this sister. Though I was happy to support her when she was healing from the insertion of a rod in her leg. Her hubby and son were at work until late every day. So I adopted the role of cooking, cleaning, and washing to help her while she learned to walk again.

My elderly aunt and her partner, drove to the house for a visit with me while I was there. It had been so long since we had seen each other, I was excited to see them and grateful they made the effort. It was the last time I was to see them on the planet earth as they died soon after.

My sister saw them and spoke to them often. So I thought I would be able to have a chat with these beautiful women. But no. The shitty sibling spoke my life. I would start to speak, and she would take over, talk over me, and relate my story for me.

I didn’t get to talk to them much, my sibling instead dominated every conversation about me, I couldn’t say anything in the moment. Days later I confronted her, not nicely I admit, she had been cold and mean. Her healing was complete, and everything I did was offending her.

Yes It Ended In Tears

One day when I was tired and done. I asked her why she had to speak for me. Her response? She thought we had equal time to talk to my aunt, she didn’t get why I would be upset. I think it was at this time I realised that she had no capacity to understand what I was talking about. She is blind when it comes to me, only her feelings exist.

We no longer speak. She cut me off when I stood up for myself. Something that gives me peace. The fact that she seems to have the whole family, minus one, shunning me too is disconcerting, but they none of them will even talk to me about it.

She is a special kind of evil.

The Newest Voice Silencer

This one is older, we are often in work settings like meetings, and it feels like it’s a protection thing, sorta. But the reality the protection is for them almost is the feeling I get from the situation. Or maybe its that they have a limited world view when it comes to queer folks and its hanging out like an escaping singlet.

It’s one that’s difficult to address. We had a bumping of the heads recently. I mentioned some frustration, not with this particular particular, but it was closely related like a sibling. It went badly to say the very least, and the worst part is that I lost a lot of respect for this person that I will need to try and resurrect.

His defensive slid into nasty, dismissive, then overwhelm, I was over reacting the official story. He then deleted without explanation and left me wondering what the F overnight. Noice, that felt great. I said nothing.

The next day he said sorry if I had seen it, he explained he was grumpy and tired. The interesting, most interesting part of this seeming banal exchange was I didn’t exist in it other than I didn’t deserve the way he spoke, which is something I would guess.

It Changed My View

The bit that changed my world view of this man was that he didn’t acknowledge my upset in sending the message (it wasn’t nasty, just my own overwhelm), enquire whether I was okay, or acknowledge that in the many times the situation was reversed he was treated with loving kindness, compassion and offered support. And I got this.

Big difference and super noticeable. So I retreated, if I don’t feel safe being vulnerable with you, rarely, these days will I try again when rebuffed in such a definitive manner. We still speak, we work together, but his silencing (which happened again days after the mentioned exchange) of me by talking my story is something that I don’t feel I can raise, and will probably blow the whole thing sky high.

One Day

Disrespect of this kind is not to be tolerated, its not on me to teach someone respect, he is a grown arse, intelligent human being, its not for me to do all the work for him.

Peace oUT

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Originally published at https://squashedfrog.org on April 16, 2026.