incoherence

i keep replaying my answering a question from an exam seven hours ago.

not to secure my self-worth, but to secure something akin to a brush stroke in a painting:

i want to do well on exams not because they reflect my competence nor i want demonstrate it; rather i want to do well on exams just like i want to draw something well — the exam is a performance of art in and of itself.

perfection (like a “perfect score”) itself is meaningless, but the attaining of a perfection is an amusement in and of itself.

someone says, “the score doesn’t matter anyway.”

i say, “yes but why do you take the exam then?”

i don’t despise incompetence, i despise incoherence.

“let’s skip tomorrow’s morning shift. no one cares anyway.”

i say, “yes but that’s not the appropriate argument — if you don’t come tomorrow because no one cares anyway, you could say the same for virtually any of the shifts in the past and in the future. yet we agree you still showed up and will likely show up in most of them. how do you explain this asymmetry, then?”

i don’t despise laziness — i despise incoherence.

sometimes it’s the simpler moral truths — i hate it when someone lies, i hate it when someone shows up late, i hate it when someone talks rudely,

— as in, let’s not bother justifying them “maybe they’re tired” etc.: for of course everyone is tired. and so what gives them right to lie, to come late, to be rude?