Life As It Happens

The Autobiography of Kaesha Gamba

“Everything happens for a reason” — a quote that has become a little too cliché nowadays. My mother once told me that everything that happens in life has its own purpose when I was a kid. And even though the quote has become ordinary, I have always believed in it and lived by it. Truth be told, when things don’t go my way, I always remind myself, “It’s okay, things happen for a reason.” Sometimes, I use it to comfort myself, and sure enough, it comforts me like a safety net — a belief that my hardships are not completely futile. But the deeper meaning, beyond comfort, is that it is simply true. Life carries both sides of joy and pain. There are challenges, but there is also growth; there is loss, but there is also learning.

Ironically, I grew up in a house that was rarely truly quiet because there were almost always people around, yet somehow, I was. My family wasn’t exactly the affectionate or expressive type either. You could hear bursts of laughter filling our home even if you were just walking past, then later, we would grieve and carry the weight of the world on our own. In hindsight, you could describe me as the opposite of my family: they’re loud, bubbly, energetic, and full of life; meanwhile, I am taciturn and shy. My name is Kaesha Isabella Meneses Gamba, born on October 8, 2008, in Pasig City. I have an identical twin sister named Kendra, and I grew up at my grandparents’ house alongside a lot of cousins, aunties, and uncles.

I would say I had a pretty decent childhood, thanks to my family who raised me. They were, truthfully speaking, sort of strict, but I eventually realized that they were just being protective and that it was one of the ways they showed us that they loved and cared for us. According to my parents, they trained Kendra and me to get accustomed to riding in a car at an early age. They certainly did a good job. I love riding in cars and motorcycles now, and I can sit through long car rides without getting carsick. I always long for the feeling of a gentle breeze caressing my skin and the sight of picturesque views along the way. On weekends, I would awaken to the pounding of our speakers throughout the house because my grandparents, especially my Lolo, loved karaoke. Perhaps that is also why I grew to love music and somehow know a handful of old songs, especially those from bands like Air Supply and Bee Gees.

I was privileged enough to study in a private school from kindergarten to high school. I’d say that I’m a fairly average student who managed to earn medals through the effort I put into academics. My parents didn’t pressure us to study; it was solely myself who wanted so badly to prove that I was, at least, good at something. However, there was a moment in seventh grade when I saw my mother sobbing her heart out as she told me to get my life straight because I had done so poorly in school. That moment struck me and stayed with me until this day. I swore with my whole heart and soul that I would never dare to make my mother cry because of me again. Instead, I wanted to make her proud.

It was that day when I realized how significant studying was to me and to my future as well. That became the turning point that pushed me to study harder, and shortly after, I began to do well. There were a lot of times when I thought I wasn’t worthy of being in a room where I was already standing in. There were also times when I couldn’t trust myself when others did. They believed there was something in me when I was doubting myself to the core, wondering if there was really anything worth believing in. The medals I earned weren’t simply for myself, but also for the people who trusted me and never gave up on me.

Amidst the number of stressors academics gave me, I was incredibly lucky to have someone by my side during those years. Throughout high school, I had someone with whom I could share my days of joy and sorrow, someone who was the opposite of me and balanced my own world of darkness and silence. Someone who helped me show a goofy side of myself that I didn’t know was there. But along with that, we were both young, and I have simply grown over the years. Eventually, I freed myself from a relationship that had been home for five years until it became a cage that suffocated me. Being free meant choosing myself over our relationship. And honestly, it was one of the best decisions I made for myself. Ending a chapter that had become a huge part of my life, and a part of who I am now, was extremely difficult. But it was also the first risk I took in order to grow and build a home within myself.

Of course, because of my reserved nature, I needed time to process my first heartbreak before I could finally come to terms with myself and tell my friends and my family what I was going through. And when I finally told them, it helped me get myself back on track. Suddenly, the freedom I had badly wanted was within my reach, and the pain I had carried alone wasn’t as heavy anymore. It didn’t take long before life started to get better again. And when I least expected it, love found its way back to my doorstep once again.

Life truly works on its own timing and takes unexpected turns. Little did I know that it would give me someone who was just around the corner, someone who was literally just beside me. It was during the last term of eleventh grade when I started talking to someone who had also been my seatmate during the first term. I was reluctant at first, confused and unsure if it was too soon to feel love again. I questioned myself. I tried to ignore what I felt. But when something just keeps knocking on your heart, you eventually have to decide whether to open it. This time, I did. I simply chose myself yet again.

And now, I’m in my last year of high school, and I’ve chosen a pathway that was different from the program I first signed up for. It was never in my plan to transfer to ASSH (Arts, Social Sciences, and Humanities), or what is commonly known as HUMSS (Humanities and Social Sciences). But there was just something that tugged at me when I saw “Arts,” so I followed what was inside my heart. I have always enjoyed art. I love drawing and doing graphic design. The older ones in the family weren’t gifted in art; it was us kids, along with our cousins, who got the skills and the gift of drawing. And so, even with uncertainty, I want to pursue something inclined toward the arts, like Interior Design, or, if fate allows, my dream course, Multimedia Arts, in college. But honestly, I still might change my mind five more times, or perhaps end up in a totally different course. Practicality or passion? I truly do not know. Whatever it may be, I’ll just let the tides of life take me to where I am meant to be.

Looking back, my childhood was a big part and the foundation of who I am today. My grandparents influenced my love for music; my parents made me appreciate nature and taught me the patience to sit through long drives; my family gave me a home filled with laughter; and my friends were there to support me through the highs and lows. To the boy I used to grow up alongside, I am forever grateful for the five years we shared with each other. It wasn’t a waste of my years. It undoubtedly came with a lot of lessons that I will keep in mind as I venture through this world. And last but not least, to myself, who kept showing up and moving forward even when she doubted herself: you have come far, and you will get far.

In my seventeen years, life has already taught me and shown me so many things. I once thought I knew so little about the world. I knew that life would not always turn in ways I expected, but what I didn’t expect was that, in every turn, came a lesson and a purpose that eventually led me to where I am now. I don’t know what the next turn will bring, or where it will lead me. I can only live it as it happens, trust the turns it takes, and hope that they will ultimately help me become the best version of myself. I still have a lot to learn, a lot to endure, and a lot to give. Things will eventually get better. I just have to be there to see how far I’ve come and look closely enough to see the hidden meaning behind the apparent chaos. Because, at the end of the day, everything ties back to a purpose.