43 Days Left: Am I doomed?

Photo by Alina and David on Unsplash

10:00 am — I have just woken up with a messy mind. Looking at my phone clock, I realised that I had just missed an enrichment class at school, “Oh gosh, my alarm went off by itself at 7.” Checking messages on my phone, I subconsciously clicked on YouTube Shorts.

Well, you probably don’t know who I am. I am just a random, normal Form 6 student who is going to face the HKDSE (if you know, you probably know why it is the last 43 days too).

1:00 pm — I was still watching shorts. A Mock Exam was coming in 1 hour, yet I still hadn’t studied anything. I finally put my phone down, as I have to go to school. Once I put my phone down, a huge dizziness went through my head, punching me in all directions and condemning me for putting down the phone. It was like I had just connected to the real world, despite living here for almost 18 years. Unlike the newborn babies, it wasn’t fresh, bright and full of curiosity. Instead, my mind was rotten, dull, and lacking in clarity. I could barely feel alive.

Sitting on the upper deck, I started staring at the buildings outside (I am glad that I didn’t take out my phone). I questioned myself, “Why am I like this now? Where did my clarity go? The view used to be bright and colourful, but why it isn’t now? Am I doomed?” Actually, I have questioned myself hundreds or even thousands of times already before. Yet, I was stuck in the loop of feeling guilty, forcing myself to focus and falling into the endless doom-scrolling again. Bad habits are flooding my life. Doom-scrolling. Procrastination. I was neither prepared for the coming public exam nor ready to achieve my ambitious goals.

“I have to change.”

There are only 43 days left. I can’t fall into these traps anymore. I need to stay disciplined and focused. However, it wasn’t an overnight thing. What I need is a gradual, bit-by-bit shift of my mindset and my habits. So, what is the next step?

I need to build a system, a system that can redirect me to a better trajectory. Therefore, I have formulated some tiny habits that can hopefully bring my clarity and attention back.

1. Put my phone outside my bedroom when I am sleeping.
2. Sleep earlier
3. Meditate for 10 minutes in the afternoon.
4. Read 5 pages.
5. Do 1 paper.
6. Journal (I wish to see you tomorrow).

Apart from these tiny habits, I saw an insightful idea on the Internet recently — logging how your time is spent. It said that by tracking down your activities across the day, you can have a bigger picture of your “real” schedule and allocate your time so that you can be more efficient and productive. I am going to give it a try. Let’s see whether it will work.

If you are a disciplined and hardworking student, keep it up; your hard work will eventually pay off.

If you are similar to me, don’t worry; We will work it out together.

So, let’s start to change now. We got this.