Fading Away is Impossible

A poem about wanting to disappear — and realizing why we cannot.

Sometimes I wish I could just fade away,

leaving behind no memory, not even a trace

Sometimes I wish I could remove myself,

from this stupid illusion of life and space

There are a million colors in the world;

one black less, and it won’t make any difference

There are a billion stars in the dark, night sky,

one going dark won’t make any difference

What am I in this complicated puzzle?

A minute piece of desire, and nothing else

What am I in this mine of diamonds?

A small piece of black coal, and nothing else

Leaving would be perfect — a final solution,

to the conflict between desire and reality

Leaving would be beautiful — a final touch,

to a trashy abstract painting that I see

Fading is simple, and leaving no trace is impossible;

removal is easy, and leaving no memory is hard

What to do and what not to do? It’s a dilemma

But I have to play it, it’s my final card