Dodo Is Not Plantain and I Will Die on This Hill

Photo by Griffin Wooldridge on Unsplash

A few days ago, I found myself in a heated conversation that should not have been heated, but somehow turned into a thing.

The topic was simple.

Is dodo the same as plantain?

Lol!

Now, before we proceed, let me say this clearly so there is no confusion.

No.

Absolutely not.

Plantain is not dodo.

Dodo is not plantain.

Plantain is the raw material. Dodo is the finished product. Plantain is possibility. Dodo is destiny fulfilled. Plantain is the Chitauri. Dodo is Thanos with the Infinity Stones.

This is not semantics. This is not me being dramatic. Well, maybe a little. But still, there is a significant difference between plantain and dodo, and I think as a society, we need to start taking this matter seriously.

Because apparently, there are people walking among us who believe dodo is just “fried plantain.”

Just fried plantain?

Just?

That word alone is offensive.

That is like calling jollof rice “tomato rice.” Technically, you may think you are making sense, but realistically, my friend, you have lost your mind

Plantain is what you buy from the store. It is what sits quietly in the corner of your kitchen, slowly ripening and minding its business. Sometimes it is green. Sometimes it is yellow. Sometimes it gets so black that you begin to question whether it is still food or an unplanned visit to the doctor.

But dodo?

Dodo is what happens when plantain meets timing, patience, and excellence.

Dodo is golden. Sometimes it is slightly dark, not burnt to a crisp, but gently caressed by overheating in oil. The kind of darkness that tells you someone almost went too far, but wisdom prevailed at the last minute.

Dodo is soft in the middle. Dodo has those slightly crispy edges that make you pause for a second and thank God for creation. Dodo is not just food. Dodo is an experience. A movement. A small edible testimony.

And quite frankly, I believe anyone who does not like dodo, and yes, such people exist, should not be cancelled. We are not extremists here. We are civilized people.

But they should be watched.

Closely!

Monitored with wisdom and discernment.

Because how do you not like dodo?

What exactly happened to you?

Who hurt you?

What part of your childhood needs to be revisited?

I am not saying they should be removed from society. That would be excessive. But I do believe they should be temporarily excommunicated from functioning palates until they figure out what is going on internally.

Because dodo is one of those foods that makes sense in almost every situation.

Rice? Add dodo.

Beans? Add dodo.

Eggs? Add dodo. My Ghanaian fam, this is where we finally find common ground.

Stew? Add dodo.

Breakfast? Dodo.

Lunch? Dodo.

Dinner? Dodo.

Standing in the kitchen pretending you are only taking one piece from the plate before serving the food? Also dodo.

Dodo is the friend that gets along with everybody. It does not come with drama. It does not need too much explanation. It just arrives and improves the situation.

Which is why I was deeply offended when I Googled “dodo” and the first thing I saw was a flightless bird.

A bird.

The nerve.

The audacity.

No disrespect to the bird, but please, be serious. That bird had its time. It is extinct. Let us move forward.

So why is the bird getting first priority?

This is exactly why dodo needs to be added properly to the dictionary. Not as a side note. Not as “fried plantain” hiding somewhere in the corner. It needs its own entry. Its own respect. Its own flowers.

Because language matters.

There are some words that carry more than their basic translation. You can explain them, but you cannot fully replace them.

Dodo is one of those words.

When a Nigerian says, “I want dodo,” they are not simply requesting plantain that has been introduced to hot oil. They are asking for something specific. Something sweet, warm, familiar, and deeply unserious in how quickly it can improve your mood.

You cannot reduce that to “fried plantain.”

That is lazy.

That is colonial.

That is culinary misinformation.

Not every plantain becomes dodo. Some become boli. Some become plantain chips. Some end up in porridge. Some are boiled. Some are abandoned in the kitchen until they become a health and safety concern.

So how can we pretend all plantain is the same?

A person is not the same thing as their potential. A seed is not the same thing as a tree. Flour is not cake. Tomato is not stew. And plantain is not dodo.

Dodo is plantain that has gone through process.

Dodo is plantain that has entered purpose.

Dodo is plantain with testimony.

And maybe that is why I respect it so much. Because in a way, dodo is a life lesson. Sometimes you are just sitting there, ordinary, unbothered, maybe even overlooked. Then life applies heat. Pressure. Oil. Time. A little salt. Maybe too much heat if the person cooking is distracted.

But when handled well, you come out golden.

Sometimes slightly dark.

Not damaged.

Just touched by fire.

Soft where you need to be soft.

Crisp where you need to have boundaries.

Sweet, but not weak.

That is dodo.

And this is why I am making my case.

Dodo deserves to be recognized. Officially. Publicly. Dictionary-level recognition.

So allow me to help.

Dodo noun Pronounced: doh-doh

1. Fried ripe plantain, usually golden brown or slightly dark, soft in the middle, crisp around the edges, and capable of improving almost any meal.
2. A culinary treasure often served with rice, beans, eggs, stew, or eaten directly from the frying pan by people who lack self-control but possess excellent taste.
3. Proof that plantain, when treated correctly, can fulfil destiny.

Example in a sentence:

“I said I wanted dodo, not plantain. Please respect yourself.”

And honestly, that is all I am asking for.

Respect.

For the culture. For the food. For the process. For the golden, sometimes slightly dark, little pieces of joy that have carried many meals on their back without ever asking for applause.

So yes, dodo should be added to the dictionary.

Not because we need validation.

But because the truth must be documented.

Plantain is plantain.

Dodo is dodo.

And anyone who disagrees should not be cancelled.

They should just eat alone.