Conversations with Baba Yaga: Part 1. An introduction to psychosis

The first time it happened I was 45. I found myself in a psych ward on a three day hold, sitting across from a psychiatrist explaining that it could have been caused by any number of things. The second time it happened, I was able to link it to, of all things, urinary tract infections.

Usually psychosis by UTI only happens to much older people. Doctor’s aren’t exactly sure why, but sometimes the first indication that an older person has a UTI is that they start exhibiting erratic behaviors. I’m not of advanced age yet, but I also happen to have degenerative arthritis in my neck and some other accompanying issues that make me susceptible to this strange and horrific experience.

I had retired a few months before my first psychotic episode. I had worked in public libraries for many years and even though the job is relatively easy on the body, it proved to still be too much and eventually my 40 hours turned into 32 and after a while it became apparent that I could no longer fulfill my duties.

Immediately after retirement, my days were filled with intellectual pursuits, art projects, musical collaborations, weekends with friends, all of the things a retired person would want, as much as my physical limitations would allow. It was pretty fun for a while.

I’m pretty sure it was some of that fun that was the cause of that UTI. All 6'4" of him. I’m pretty sure 6'2" was the cause of the second one, but I could be wrong. Even with protection, bacteria is on every part of the skin.

Since then I’ve started wearing granny panties and have taken a vow of celibacy, that could easily be broken, but I know what happened last time, and the time before and it’s just not worth it.

I would rather save myself for someone that will love me even if I am crazy, and take care of me until I’m myself again. Until then, I’ll be unpacking this experience and everything that comes with it.