[2025–04–30] MxLDN

Kicking off a series of “Where Has Abi Been?” posts, let’s take a look back to late April 2025, and a first work outing since, well, coming out.

**MxLDN is a small London Magento meet-up, comprising a pair of talks on the platform or ecommerce in general, put on by [Charles Curtis](https://www.linkedin.com/in/charlescurtis2024/) and others, and hosted at the [Dotdigital](https://www.linkedin.com/company/dotdigital/) **offices (which are always a pleasure to visit)

Because I needed to keep my transition low-key in my hometown (to be fair, that’s still the case), and also because travelling to London alone was a terrifying prospect, I caught the train boy mode (boobs and a little makeup notwithstanding).

The hotel will be fine, I thought; plenty of space and privacy to get ready for one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of my life.

Dear reader, the hotel was not fine.

Well, ok, it was fine just not for Abi; Dajve would have had no issues here. And, in fairness, I think I did a pretty good job getting ready.

Now, of course, looking back at this 9 months later I feel uncomfortable having gone out so very clocky, but at the time I felt amazing. 6 months into HRT and yeah, I’d put some weight on, but it was going to places it never had before and I could see “her”. Not always, and only when unapologetically femme, but that kind of early trans euphoria is something special.

Actually heading out the door, alone, to catch a Tube and walk across London during rush hour, though? Terrifying. Past outings I’d had someone to hold my hand. Or been “boy mode”. Or both. Everything was racing through my head at once. Fear, excitement, embarrassment, joy. Each step was overwhelming.

But we got there, and I’m honestly really proud of past me for that. And you know what? Nobody said a thing. I mean, I think I heard some people giggling once while I was near Tower Bridge, but for the most part no-one seemed to care. Which is liberating when you feel like everyone is going to stare and you’re already prepped for harassment.

Walking into a room of my peers, all of which had never met me or never met me, while feeling intensely self-conscious of my appearance; my voice; and my mannerisms on top of the professional imposter syndrome (15+ years in and it never goes away) was almost enough to turn around and walk straight back out. Well, if I wasn’t frozen, stood in the middle of the offices, alone, desperately staving off a panic attack.

But everyone was welcoming. Well, if they weren’t already deep in their own conversations, that is. So I just stood there, making myself even more conspicuous while people occasionally came and made small talk. Note: I am terrible at networking, and part of coming to these events was to work on that. I did not do well for my first attempt as Abi.

Thankfully, most of the evening was taken up by two brilliant talks by **Christopher Dowson (on storytelling in graphic design) and [Dylan Connor Fernandez](https://www.linkedin.com/in/dylanfernandez96/)** (on best practices in the checkout).

Side note: this trip was when I learned first hand how uncomfortable sitting in a gaff for long periods of time can be. It doesn’t get any better!

The post networking was easier, though, thanks to pizza and the amazingly supportive Christopher Dowson (I think we just stood at the side and talked between ourselves for 45 minutes, which might not be quite the point of “networking” but it was such a relief). To be fair, I did also get acquainted (or re-acquainted) with a number of people I already respect hugely in this community. Is it weird that I get a bit fangirly over certain people in the ecommerce space?

Amusingly, there were a couple of recruiters there who I have spoken with more times in the past than I can count (for both hiring and being hired purposes). At one point, they looked straight at me but didn’t come over, which was unexpected because they always come and talk to me at events. And I assumed it was because I was in the middle of a conversation. That assumption was wrong, as I found out at a later event!

Overall, though, the evening was fantastic (as expected) and exactly what I needed in terms of anonymity, welcomeness (yes, that is a word!), familiarity, and scale at that time.

And so, back to the hotel for the night before heading to Manchester for the second of my back-to-back events. Talk about jumping straight into the fire!