Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin

I recently finished Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin, and my emotions are all over the place. This is the first Baldwin book I have read, and I had no idea what it was about. I saw a random TikTok recommendation and picked it up on a whim, and I am so glad I did, because this book is written so beautifully, with so much raw emotion; it makes you wonder, and wonder deeply, about the melancholy of Baldwin’s characters. After I was done reading, I went through all the hashtags related to this book and cried some more while reading and listening to other people’s POVs of this book. I have read something so beautiful; it’s hard to let it go. I keep reminiscing. I wonder how a man in the 1950s could be so brave as to write a story about a queer person when it was basically treated as a crime if you were found to be queer. Such a brave soul Baldwin was.

I loved everything about this book. I sympathize with David, our main character, but at the same time, I felt really troubled by the way he treated Giovanni and Hella. I find him cruel, but at the same time, I feel sad for him. I think I love him and hate him. It’s such a shame that he might end up becoming one of those people like Jacques and Guillaume who prey on the youth in search of something that they never had the opportunity to have when they were young. Honestly, I hate them both to the core. They are nothing but predators. The only time I liked Jacques is when he was giving advice to David to accept Giovanni’s love and give in to Giovanni, his love, and to live the life on his terms, by accepting his sexuality and loving freely without any boundaries or restrictions. That whole conversation was very beautiful.

Anyway, David is pitiful. He is trapped inside his sexuality, like he is trapped in Paris, like in Giovanni’s Room. The only person who brings out the best in him is a man, and he hates it. He is constantly reminded by the fact that he is in love with a man and lusts for him, but he denies it and runs away from it. He hates the fact that he is taking the role of a woman when Giovanni is at work, so he starts hating Giovanni’s room. Staying in that room is like confronting who he really is, and he hates it. He hates that he is gay and he is feminine and, in fact, hates everyone who is feminine and is true to themselves, especially gay men. He finds the room filthy, just like his feelings for Giovanni. In the end, not only does he lose and hurt Giovanni, but he also ends up hurting and deceiving his fiancée, Hella. In the process of all the self-loathing and a need to be a “Man”, he ends up losing everything, but then again, he never had anything to begin with. He was a man with no purpose. As Giovanni said, I don’t think David ever loved anyone. He is very manipulative and indecisive. Because of his indecisiveness, the lives of everyone around him who loved him were doomed.

Then there is Giovanni, my baby, my Shayla. I felt so bad for him. He deserved so much better in life. He deserved to be happy and have a happy life with the man or woman who would heal him from the wounds of his past. The only thing I didn’t like about him is the fact that he is a misogynist. Then again, all the men in this book have a very low opinion of women. Not trying to defend, but maybe Giovanni is just jealous of women because he loves David, and David has a woman with whom he openly shows his affection in front of the world, but when it comes to Giovanni himself, David is all hush-hush and avoids being seen by the world for who they are.

I love this book. I kind of felt empty when I was done. The complexity of the characters and the turmoil of David’s feelings are written so beautifully. I am definitely going to be reading this book again. Also, at the end, I like how the author symbolizes David’s feelings through torn pages of the note. David wants to start afresh with no guilt, but just like some torn pages that flew back to him, he would never escape the guilt and his internal homophobia.