Walking Away

Do you have a toxic workplace, marriage, or family? Why do you stay? I know, I know, you will tell me that it’s not easy, that there are complicated things going on, that we have this and this, bla bla bla. Okay, but what about your identity, health, and self-worth? Do these kinds of attachments actually involve your well-being?

I don’t want to make this writing too layered, but here is the deal. There is a structure. This structure isn’t made of solid materials. I want to connect this topic to the tarot card called The Tower. What happens when there is a change, a storm, or an intervention? The illusionary building that you put so much effort, credibility, and dreams into, collapses. Of course, not every structure is evil, and not every discomfort is toxicity. I am simply assuming there is an issue going on.

Personally, I am going through a Tower moment. I had big dreams in the academic world. I wanted to become an academician, a scholar. I had many idealistic ambitions. I wanted to climb the ladders of this world. On the other hand, I didn’t really consider the structure of this world. I don’t want to get too surrealistic, and I have full respect for people who are currently in this field.

From my perspective, I dealt with many people who had relatively high insecurities and egos. They rewarded people who memorized everything well, basically, people who acted like parrots. You say something, and they say it back. I tried this as well in order to be successful, but after a while, I realized I wasn’t emotionally fulfilled. So I quit.

At the moment, I don’t know where I am heading, but I find this beautiful. Unpredictability feels like opening new maps in a game. Yes, I am new to this, but it feels right. I hope everyone finds their own lane and leads their life in a more fulfilled way.