Writing Prompt #109

Enjoy the Now

You can’t wish yourself back or forth.

Photo by Krišjānis Kazaks on Unsplash

I wish that, as a kid, I had thrown myself into the lessons I was supposed to be learning instead of just completing assignments and thinking I was doing a good job.

I also wish that when I went to high school and college, I had joined activities. Alas, I was kind of socially awkward and didn’t have many close friends. I didn’t understand social life, as I had no role models or mentors in this area. My life would have been greatly enriched if I had played sports, sang in the chorus, or had any non-academic interests at all.

I did understand that grown-ups got jobs and got married, bought houses, and had children. So that’s what I did. I got married the month after my 22nd birthday, became a teacher, bought a house before I turned 23, and was happily married for 40 years before my husband passed away.

It was a happy life, but especially in raising my children, I spent too much energy looking forward to the next stage. I can’t wait to introduce her to solid food. We can start doing fun things once she can walk. It will be great when she starts talking. It will be so exciting when she goes to school. I was always living in the future instead of fully savoring the stage in front of me.

I’ve heard people say, “Oh, if only I were 20 again.” When I was 20, I didn’t think it was a big deal. I was at the threshold of life, but I didn’t know it. I wasn’t considering the vast range of possibilities in front of me because I was plodding along in college, writing my next paper and cramming for tomorrow’s sociology test. I spent my free time working on the needlework owl that I was making for my fiancé's birthday present. I wasn’t out partying at college; I was living in my future life as a wife.

Now I’m a 65-year-old widow with two grown and married daughters and three granddaughters. I have a solid group of friends and a house that, while by far the favorite I’ve ever lived in, is not conducive to aging in. There are stairs everywhere and a pool that needs my attention from May through September. Do I wish I were 20 again, or 30, or 50? Absolutely not.

I have learned to appreciate the past, plan for the future, but live in the present. Like everyone else, I’ve been through plenty of trials as well as triumphs. I’ve experienced abundance in many ways and scarcity in just as many ways.

I choose to recall and savor the good, but leave the bad behind unless I need to reluctantly dust it off to extract a lesson that I need in the present. Even recalling the good times too often brings with it the danger of displacing the present.

As a youngster, I wanted to move forward. As the oldster, that I chronologically am, I want to stay in today. I choose to end each day by making a things-to-do list for tomorrow. I spend my time writing and trying to market a game that I developed. I want to be busy, but also savor my grandchildren in the stages they are in now.

Even though it is my intention to move to a 55+ community next fall, I want to fully enjoy having my friends and family at my backyard pool for the next two summers. I am often tempted to look ahead to setting up the house I will buy, but one of my daughters and her family is living with me. It is a temporary situation that I can not let pass unenjoyed.

The past is good for two things: gratitude for the wonderful things that happened and lessons from prior mistakes.

The future is uncertain, but it can’t hurt to plan. It is wise to budget for financial security. It is advisable to look for a safe place to age. But most of all, plan that trip to France you’ve been thinking about and mark it on your calendar.

Most importantly, live today. Hang out with your people. Decorate your home the way you want it. Go outside. Eat good food. Live!