27 Things I Will Teach My Daughter: From an amateur feminist thinker

Do I have anything original to add to all the advice given to women?

We shall see. I do have something personal, something true. And I hope it reaches you.

By no means are these in chronological order of course, she has a lot to learn over many decades and I thought I would not skip the fundamentals, even though they are spread across different developmental milestones.

iStock/The Independent “14 best feminist books that everyone should read in their lifetime”

Dear (future) daughter,

I cannot teach you everything, obviously, but I will provide you with some foundations to reinforce your curiosity and will constantly encourage you to educate yourself. I will always guide you. Here are 27 things I thought I would lead with:

1. We start with the basics: To eat and exercise, learn to put your health above everything else.

Screw the beauty standards, the misinformation, the trends (and all of those who continue to enforce them, may they finally fail miserably). Be strong (literally), look after your bones, your metabolism, your cardiovascular and cerebrovascular health. With the knowledge to eat and having found ways and types of exercise that you like and can follow consistently, you will not need much else. I hope you otherwise get good health. If not, we will still navigate this aspect too.

2. Read, read like there is no tomorrow.

Read fiction and non-fiction. Read women’s voices. Read the silenced, the angry, the joyful, the revolutionary. Read Wollstonecraft’s Vindication, Audre Lorde’s Sister Outsider, Butler’s Gender Trouble. Read Simone de Beauvoir, it will take a bit longer! Read to understand the world and, most importantly, to question it.

3. Learn everything you can about gender and sex.

Gina Rippon’s work shows how myths about “female brains” have shaped expectations.

4. Learn everything you can about sex and your body.

Never solely rely on a partner (regardless of gender), not anyone else, to teach you. Don’t let anyone else define your pleasure, your boundaries, or your wants and needs. Knowledge is power.

5. Learn everything you can, academically and beyond.

Education is liberation. Wollstonecraft argued that women must be educated not to please, but to think. Learn to think critically, to challenge, to build. Learn for you, and for a world of better opportunities.

6. Not just theory, learn practical and crafty things too. Develop skills and hobbies.

Building, crafting, woodworking, soldering for all I care. Coding, do not forget coding. It is not about what AI can do, is having the brains and skills to build your own things, without having to depend on rented computed power that comes with strings.

Skills are tools of independence. They are also sources of joy.

7. Have interests that nourish you. Let music, literature, mathematics, or mechanics feed your soul. You are not here to be ornamental. You are here to be whole.

You will always have energy and nourishment; secure your actual nourishment, now you have secured your intellectual one. Now you are driven from the inside, and this power is unbeatable.

8. Be creative, then find outlets for your ceativity. Create art, ideas, solutions. Creativity is resistance. It is how we imagine new worlds. It is what keeps us alive.

9. Write. Write your truth. Write your rage. Write your dreams. Writing is a form of self-definition, as Audre Lorde taught us. You cannot let others define you.

There is no better way to clearly form your thoughts and master language.

There is no better way to change cultures and get your message across.

Do not let anyone, and anything, do your writing for you.

10. Do not internalise the culture around you.

Learn, learn, learn, Know your rights and become culturally aware. Read the stories and the books of the contrarians and the revolutionaries.

This is a hard battle that many generations and at least 4 waves of feminism are constantly at the brink of losing. Learn to see it, critique it, and transcend it. Both G. Rippon and Butler reminds us that sex and gender are performed — so perform it consciously, or not at all.

11. Elevate and uplift yourself, then uplift others. Feminism is not just personal — it is collective. Help other women rise. Help those who are marginalised. Your liberation is bound to theirs.

Photo by S&B Vonlanthen on Unsplash

12. Go deep into science. Gina Rippon dismantles the myth of “male” and “female” brains. Science is not neutral, but it can be a tool for truth. Learn the scientific method. Learn to question data and assumptions.

Even if it does not feel like science is your true passion. Being a polymath is almost a necessity. Education and knowledge is not compartmentalised to humanities and science. From a young age, you will be able to learn and explore both. Absorb the scientific way of thinking, the critical mind. It will be the most valuable tool you could have in your lifetime.

13. Be generous. Be a leader. Leadership is not domination — it is service, it is inspiration, it is protecting and uplifting others to achieve a higher goal. Lead with empathy, with clarity, with courage. You will lead and protect others, BUT

14. You will sacrifice and be hurt quite often. But you will grow stronger, you will learn to protect yourself and I will be there to support you, the minute I can no longer protect you myself.

Learn to say no. It will be the first word I will teach you. Learn to walk away. It will be your first thing to do after you have stood up.

15. Do not do 13 & 14 alone.

You should not. You should sacrifice a bit and sustain some collateral harm. But you will be at risk of serious harm, then you will no longer be able to sustain yourself, nor do the great things you were destined to do.

Feminism is solidarity. Build your circle. Trust those who earn it. You are not meant to carry the world alone.

16. Count on me. Count on those who truly love you.

You are not alone. You are loved. You are wanted.

As long as I live and breathe, and hopefully even after that, I am here for you to fall back on. I have cut and will continue to cut parts of myself to give to you, so that you have a better life. You are not alone. You are loved and wanted and you will never fight without me by your side.

17. Learn to love. Hopefully I will have shown you. Love deeply, but wisely. Love yourself first. Love others without losing yourself.

Begin by knowing and thinking that love is an action, not just a feeling, just like bell hooks taught us.

Learn unconditional love, the kind of selfless, human love that is full of actions, that the selfish and subhuman people in this planet will never get to know and understand

18. Learn financial independence. Above all, use it to guard your principles.

Money is NOT true power.

Learn that money is a necessary evil, and get your worth in this world. Learn to earn, save, invest and make smart choices. But see beyond that, know how despicable and contemptible it is to attach yourself to money to the point that you would sell your values and betray others for it. On the other extreme, I hope you will always have the priviledge to make that choice, and that you will never get desperate and have people take advantage of that in the expense of your higher human principles.

Get to a point where you cannot be bought. NEVER sell out.

19. Sexual independence (also sadly linked to No 18).

Get a sex toy collection. Start slow, discover what you like. Build variety and options. Work hard, play hard.

No human shall be used as means to a (sexual) end. That’s what machines are for. You know better than to put yourself or others in that position. You have also set a standard and can stick to it!

20. Learn self-defense and many ways to fight. Kick ass(es)

Know how to protect yourself physically, emotionally, legally. Your body is yours. Your safety is sacred.

Empower yourself by knowing that you cannot let things happen to you without having the power to punch back. Then punch back with all your might.

21. Learn to debate, to advocate, to speak the truth. First, you learn the truth (or get as close to it as you can). Then, it is your duty to discuss and spread that truth. To speak up. Speak clearly. Speak even when your voice shakes. Advocate for what you know and what matters. It will become second nature.

22. Do not fall for the lies that we live in a meritocracy.

We never evolved that far and probably never will. Understand bias early on, know to work hard but also be strategic.

23. Learn what great friendships should be like. Then never stop seeking it.

Try and fail until you find a true friendship. Or more, there is room for true friends. It will be something of you find one, two or three is an absolute miracle!

24. Philosophy. So much philosophy. Moral philosophy, existentialism, logic, metaphysics, feminist moral and philosophy.

Cynicism and nihilism and how to balance them out when you inevitably get there one day just by the course of life.

25. Human Rights and Law.

Enjoy them. Never take them for granted. Never forget that you are key to their preservation, as well as to their progress

26. All of my mistakes. The ones you have not seen yet and the ones you will witness. You can do better

And, finally…

• 27: Be confident. So confident it unsettles people. Let your confidence be rooted in knowledge, in love, in experience. Let it be unshakable.
• Do not forget: if someone calls you overconfident, you know a) you are doing it right b) you also know very well what to do now at this point… Oh which reminds me I need to talk to you about how to react proportionately and not get yourself into trouble for reacting to injustice. That plus thousands more…

Brace yourself, I have not even had you (nor have I got any immediate plans to have you). Yet I sound like a bleeding intense mum!

X

I have attached links to similar articles, since this should be a topic where many would be written. There is some overlap when I looked, but at least hopefully some new content too.

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https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/raising-a-powerful-girl

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[embed]30 Things To Teach Your Daughter Before She's Grown | Meant 2 Dad I have three beautiful daughters. As a father I have constantly thought what should I teach my girls before they're…www.meant2dad.com

https://www.amightygirl.com/blog?p=22095

This is one for all sexes, however it reminds me that as much as I could teach you household-related stuff, I feel the need to refrain in order to make your life easy. I would love for you to learn all the opposites though: electrical work, plumbing, building and engineering, architecture. Basically all you need to even build and sustain your house. The rest should be done by machines, or equally split. Get a roomba, or whatever robotic vacuum is out there.

https://treehouseschoolhouse.com/blog/100-life-skills?srsltid=AfmBOoqaaN9sUxtkmOwL7SZok7vlmrkOSYD_ZtxR1W5vAkPlHcIt_AhF