Female_Cameltoe public domain on Wikimedia

How to Find the Clitoris

In the dark with your eyes closed.

This article is part of a series for a man who wants to be more than just a good lover. Rather, it’s focused on becoming a great lover — a man she will remember for a long time. And a man she will wish she could see again.

An important early step to becoming a great lover is knowing you can always find the most important part of her sexual anatomy: the clitoris.

The chief problem with finding it is that it’s almost always hiding in its little “hood” or sheath that protects it from being touched unless she is sexually aroused. Then, it usually peeks its little head out from the hood so it can get more stimulation from whatever is going on. And that’s when it likes being massaged or stroked or licked or sucked, which is the main thing that helps her reach orgasm. And since you want to be a great lover, her orgasm is your primary goal while having sex with her. And don’t forget it.

Polls show that over 75% of men, looking at a diagram of a woman’s vulva, are not able to find the clitoris. That is a genuinely shocking fact. And points up how ridiculous “sex education” is in our so-called modern society. And, you want to know what’s even more shocking: More than one fourth of women fail the same test.

My writing on this platform is focused primarily on sex education. But MY kind of sex education is aimed at having more and better sex. While at the same time, avoiding making babies until you actually want to be a parent.

Knowing where her clitoris is will help you avoid the dreaded orgasm gap which the majority of women have to deal with. That gap exists because men have orgasms 98% of the time when they have sex, but women only about 30% of the time (when having missionary penis-in-vagina sex).

One of the worst things about the orgasm gap is that over half of the women who can’t orgasm with a penis inside her, fake their orgasm. They do that primarily to please their partner. Even though the fault usually lies with the man.

Thus, even though this article is written chiefly to men, it’s actually for women. Because, in order to close or reduce the orgasm gap, men need better skills. And women need to quit faking it and start being honest.

Many women, after years of thinking they were inorgasmic, discovered better sex and delicious orgasms with a different partner. Or in a few cases, by educating the one they’re with.

One benefit of my own teenage years was having a girlfriend who was just as horny and sexually curious as me. In the backseat of my old four-door Ford at the drive-in movie one night, she and I, while drinking a little wine and making out, found her clitoris. It was really dark and I didn’t actually get to see it until about a week later. But I learned exactly where it was and what nice things could happen if I stimulated it the right way.

These days, most young people (from what I hear) don’t have any such opportunity for drive-in theater anatomy lessons like she and I did. What a shame. Hopefully, some of the topics I write about will help people overcome that misfortune.

So let’s get started with some useful knowledge about real sex.

First Thing is Always Consent

Before you put your hand anywhere near a lady’s private parts, you damn well better make sure you have her consent. Don’t just guess that it’s okay with her. Make damn sure.

Ask her if it’s okay to touch her wherever you want to touch her. In today’s social environment, more than a few men have found themselves in deep trouble for putting their hands on a woman without her explicit consent.

As we go along, I will mix in the proper anatomical names for things we talk about. That’s so the next time you’re at a church dinner with your friends, you can use correct terminology to tell them all about your girlfriend’s anatomy. (Wait! That’s a joke.)

After receiving her permission, here’s how you find it with your eyes closed. Slide your hand from her belly button straight downward toward her bush. (Of course, if she’s shaved, where her bush would be.) Then, keep going south, letting your middle finger lead the way, continuing through her bush until the bush ends. At that point, the skin under your finger changes from bush to pussy. (In other words, it changes from the hair on her mons veneris to her vulva.)

And exactly right there is where you’ll find her clitoris. It’s under the skin that’s right under your finger. She might moan and react physically when you touch it, because it’s really, really sensitive. So go slow, and be gentle.

To make things a bit simpler for you, the clit is where a penis would be if she were a man. In fact, a woman’s clitoris is like a very small penis mostly hiding inside its little protective “hood.” You can actually feel it a lot easier than you can see it.

VulvaDetails public domain on Wikimedia for educational use

In the above photo, the lady is spreading her labia to show us where everything is. Notice that her clitoris is hardly visible, but this picture is annotated to show us exactly where it is. When she’s lying on her back (like this), her clitoris is at the top of her vulva. There’s just a tiny bit of her clitoris glans (the head) shown at the top.

Inside her labia, you can easily see her urethra (her pee hole) in this photograph.

Continuing in the same direction, next you can see an opening known as the vagina (her vaginal opening). That’s the place where a penis goes in and babies come out.

Depending on how much sexual experience she’s had, her vaginal opening might be large enough for you to slide one or two fingers in. OR, there might be no actual opening at first, requiring you to probe it and push very gently with your fingers, until it opens up for you. If she’s virgin, there may be almost no opening at all. That’s a special case (for another lesson).

By this time in your foreplay, she should be aroused enough so that her vagina has begun lubricating. But if for whatever reason she’s not wet down there, hit the brakes. Never, ever proceed to have sex or even finger fuck a woman whose vagina is dry. That’s an awful experience for her. Because it hurts!

Either have more foreplay, or apply a nice slippery lubricant (which you thoughtfully brought with you). Or go down on her. These days, nearly all good lovers go down on their lady during foreplay. For more information about the magic of cunnilingus, read the following article:

[embed]She Needs a Magician The question is: Can you learn to do magic?medium.com

Exploring further with your finger, a short distance beyond her vagina is an area of smooth skin called the perineum. The street word for it is the taint. (That came from guys saying, “it taint pussy and it taint butthole.“) Seriously, pay special attention to her perineum because it can be very important later on.

Then, just below the perineum is her anus, otherwise known as her butthole. The anus isn’t part of this lesson. However, later on we will explore some ways of using her perineum and anus to greatly enhance her pleasure. And I do mean greatly. But that’s also a more advanced lesson.

Below is a close-up photo of a mature woman’s vulva. Near the top, her clitoris is visible, chiefly because this lady is partially aroused, and the clit can be seen coming out of its sheath. While this lady’s genitals are typical, there’s a wide variety of appearance, size, and placement of women’s vulva.

Clitoris_and_Vulva, public domain on Wikimedia for educational use

In this photo, you can see her pussy lips on the left and right sides of her vagina. They are also called labia (which is the Latin word for lips). When her legs are together, the labia are closed. But since the lady wants you to make love to her, she probably has her legs apart and raised enough to open her labia (as in this photo).

One interesting thing about the clitoris is it’s much easier to feel than it is to see. If you rub your fingers gently across the front of her pussy, you’ll be able to feel an aroused clitoris just under the skin of its hood. And yes, women actually get a “hard on” when that happens.

Now, back to your foreplay. When she gets sexually aroused, her clitoris swells and gets firm. When it does, its little “head” (called the glans) may protrude out of its hood to join the party. Just like it is doing in the above photo. Of course, protruding like this, it becomes even more sensitive.

When she is open and wet like this, that’s a good sign the foreplay was successful, and she is ready for you to enter her gate to paradise.

Here is an important point: It’s very helpful to communicate with her when you’re having foreplay and about to have sex. Talk to her. Even more important, listen to her! And be sensitive to her body language.

Also, be aware that every pussy is unique. Recently, I found an online collection of over one hundred photographs of women’s vulva. No two of them were exactly alike. I never cease to be amazed.

There seems to be an infinite variety of size and placement of a lady’s parts. Thus, when you’re first getting to know her, and after getting her permission, you need to explore her body and learn your way around. Especially at the start of a sexual relationship.

You Found the Clitoris! Now What Do You Do?

Once again, be very gentle. The clitoris is said to be the most sensitive part of a woman’s body. When you explore her pussy with your fingers and rub the clit directly, she’s likely to react (both physically and verbally). Because, at that time, it’s usually too sensitive for you to touch right away. Don’t be surprised if she pushes you away for being too heavy handed. Start slow.

Speaking of that, slower is almost always better. Keep in mind, most women take a lot longer to get sexually aroused than men. So, you must go slow, slow, slow — until she starts urging you to go faster.

Here’s a good foreplay technique: Put your fingers on the outside of her labia, and squeeze them slightly together. That means your index and middle fingers will be on one side, and your ring and little fingers will be on the other side. (Think of Dr. Spock giving the Vulcan salute.)

Then move your hand in a circular motion, thus avoiding direct contact with her clit. Continue massaging, actually using her own labia to massage her clit. Wait until she gives you a sign, or even better tells you, that she wants more direct stimulation.

Congratulations for reading all the way through. Finding the clit is an early step, but a very important step, in learning to be a great lover. Once you have found it, and she lets you feel, massage, kiss, lick and otherwise stimulate it, then you have gained knowledge and experience that puts you way ahead of the majority of wanna-be lovers on this planet.

If you want a few ideas about what to do with a clitoris once you find it, try reading this article:

[embed]She Needs a Magician The question is: Can you learn to do magic?medium.com